Saturday, July 19, 2014 "Here's Your Headline."

Saturday, July 19, 2014
Week: Summer
Songs to Remember: The Drug in Me is You - Falling in Reverse

        You know, sometimes when I get upset, yelled at, whatever, I always cry. Is it because I'm sensitive? A bit too sensitive? Most sensitive person in existence? Or is it a condition, that I cry very often? But I'm a guy, and guys aren't supposed to cry, at least, not too often.

        It sucks because it happens on a weekly basis. There's one night, every week, where reality just hits me all at once, and then I have a breakdown while lying in bed. 'Cause right now, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm living life as just "whatever". And not the good kind of whatever either, like the kind where you don't give a s*** about what other people say.

        Even when I'm home (as in, the house I live in), I tell myself "I want to go home". When I'm asleep and dreaming, it feels real, vivid, and I actually have fun. I wake up and it becomes "Oh, it was a dream?" Right now, I'm not home.

        And the crying thing, I'm not making that up. When I say I cry often and for the littlest things, I mean it, literally. Parents give me a lecture? Tear up, in my room, crying. Detention for something that's doesn't deserve a detention? I cried. Yelling at me? I cry. People telling me to not cry? I cry. Parents giving me a 5 year old phone while they get iPhones? Yeah, yeah I cry. Especially when the teacher asks anyone doesn't have a phone to search research material on, and I'm the only one raising my hand, or when everyone gets out their smartphones to take a picture of the notes on the board, and I'm the only one writing it down by hand.

        I do have thoughts on running away every now and then. Just to f*** with everybody who knows me, to see if it makes a difference if I were to be gone. Suicide? Nah, suicide's stupid. Running away? As a temporary solution. And then when the times I do feel like running away, I don't, because I'm scared, shy, timid.

        But if I do run away, do I leave a note? I could just write whatever or whoever's name to blame, to make that person feel bad. If I'd run away for something stupid, I'd write a headline for all the news sites and stations, like "15 year-old boy runs away from home due to cell phone". Or something like that.