Thursday, March 30, 2017 "The Journey."

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Week: 34

Songs to Remember: Cold Dust Girl (Gemini Club Remix) - Hey Champ!, Call On Me (Ryan Riback Remix) - Starley

        There's a reason why I didn't post anything yesterday, and that was because I passed out sleeping for a few hours, after a waterfall of emotions.

        And about 50% of it was pretty bad. Bad as in, bad emotions. Including today, I, don't use the word "depressed" very often, but this time I did feel depressed. And yes, you can call my hypocritical for all this, you can this "Drama Drew" time, because it does sound more dramatic than it actually is. That's all fine, and I agree. It's easy when it's just the mind thinking, but when it comes to the mind plus emotions, that's when things get mixed.

        So let's get to it. As a disclaimer, I will be talking about some PG-13 stuff, I won't go too in-depth on it because that shit ain't needed here, and for the fact that I really, do not want to describe this sorta stuff in detail 'cause that's just, if I wanted to do that, I'd write a fanfiction. Anyways, let's get on with it. After school yesterday, Kt came over to my house once more. It was a Wednesday, meaning we get out at 2:00 PM. Kt has to be home by 5:30 PM, which meant that, we had a lot of time together in my room.

        We started off with the usual of continuing on with watching that one K-Drama. My mom brought in food, we ate, and then, proceeded with the watching and the "cuddling." If you don't already know, for Kt's definition of "cuddling," it's, watching and relaxing, whilst making-out in-between some scenes or episodes. And that was what we did, however at about two points, it went farther than that when me and her took off our pants.

        We still had underwear on though, no bare members or anything. There was a point when she was on top of me, we're both in our underwear by the way. Umm, the farthest point of it all, was when I hand my hand on her breast, another hand on her ass, we're side-to-side, parallel, still making out. My hand was under her shirt, by the way, and had she been uncomfortable with it, she would've moved my hand away or said something, but instead she lifted up her bra, and, yeah.

        From there, I guess I had my hand now on her area down there, again, had she been uncomfortable, she'd have done something about it. Apparently I was rubbing it in an awkward motion so, she had her hand on my hand, and proceeded to show me how she wanted it to be rubbed, all whilst still making-out. She had her hand on my member, still on the outskirts of our underwear by the way, and uh, at one point it slowed down and we stopped.

        And at another point, where she said something along the lines of "When do you think it's the right time to say 'I love you' to somebody?" I'm like "Aw fuck, here it comes." I wasn't really looking for an "I love you," at all. I didn't want, an "I love you," because after all that, I was like "I don't know how sex feels. But even with that sort of level of cuddling, I didn't feel anything." Why did I go along with all that, you may ask? I was trying to feel a connection. I have been trying for about, 2 weeks now after the initial first week of extreme, no-caring, caution.

        But there's just, nothing there. She's boring, she just looks at pictures of animals and make-up on Instagram. She barely hangs out with anybody at school, err, people I'd even remotely share commonalities with, and they're pretty much 99% girls, which, in my case, would be a fucking lootbox, but considering I'm taken now, that ain't happening.  She's also clingy. We walk every single, fucking day from 2nd period to break, and break to 3rd period. Then it's lunch to 5th period, and 5th period to 6th. I don't get to interact with others as often as before now with her around. They say that in a relationship (if you can even call it that), there's always one person who doesn't like the other person as much, as the person does for them, and I never thought I'd be the one to be, that person, of the former.

        She said "I love you," and of course I had to respond with "I love you too." Afterwards, at around 8:00 PM or something, she Snapchatted me "I think we took it too far today ;-;" and I was like "I agree." To be honest, it was too far. But at the rate she was going, with the making-out at only two-weeks sorta shit, it ain't my fault. She said "I blame it on period hormones" and, yeah, I guess. I'm not an expert it at it, but, that played a role, if she wants. I did admit to my mistakes for leading it on too. I told her "If I knew you weren't comfortable then I wouldn't have gone on for as far as it was." She said "It's not your fault."

        Sex is not even something I want anymore. This "cuddling" stuff? Get that shit outta my face. I felt incredibly tired yesterday night, probably because of all that fiasco. Nothing but, lust. It's just warm bodies. It's not like "Oh I've done this several times before, shit's gotten boring." Nope, this is all new to me. Everything in the past 3 weeks, it's all new to me. And uh, I can honestly say I do not like it. I tried liking her too, but I don't. Had I did (or do), then maybe this all would've been different. I felt sorry for her, for all the shit she's been through, and with all that sympathy, I forgot to feel sorry for myself.

        I had high ambitions for these years of High school. From "So Don't be on with Her," to "Precisely Refined," I was always on this journey. Even in the, the side-thing I wrote back in "So Don't be on with Her." I talked about how the main goal was to, to get into a relationship. And well, here I am. Now this is where it gets hypocritical. I don't like it. "But Drew, this whole fucking time, you've been longing for one. Now that you have it, you don't want it anymore?" No, I don't. It's boring. I'd rather, interact with a shit ton of people on the off-chance that I do connect to someone, work for it over a series of weeks or months, rather than, having it handed to me on a silver-platter.

        I honestly enjoyed it. It was thrilling, getting intel. It was fun reporting my day and recording the progress I made on building up familiarity with others. Going to dances (the very few that I did), it had the fun factor of "Oooh, what could happen? Shit could go down well for Drew, who knows, find out next on blah blah blah." It was unpredictable, and I liked it. Me and Jk, talking about ratings and shit like that. I miss that.

        Me and Ec and the Discord group, talking about who we progressing with? I miss that. I liked being on the journey on that stuff, because even though I was on it for very long periods of time, I had high hopes. Now that I'm basically at the end of it, I just, there's nothing else to do. I imagined for a while that when I did get into that relationship I wanted, I would make that explosive post, talking all about it detail. And this, this all? Not something I'd be positive to talk about. It's, depressing, and uh, I really do not have high hopes for prom night. So what, it's just gonna be some more warm bodies? Is that it? Don't even know if that would change anything.

        At least with like, asking somebody I've built up familiairty with over a course of time, ya know, that, I've put hard work into, motivation, determination, into, there's still that unpredictability factor at prom. Kt's basically put all her walls down and uh, everything's sorta predictable. I don't think she's breaking up with me anytime soon, but I'm hoping she does.

        This upcoming week is gonna be horrible. I just want time, that's all I want. I got a KDT performance in the rally(s) tomorrow, I gotta teach some dances tomorrow, gotta study for the math final on Saturday, I got KDT practice after school, I got driving lessons after school too, on Saturday, I gotta wake up at 7:00 AM for the chance at some shoes, 8:00 AM for a math final which will take 4 hours, I got driving lesson during the day, and possibly hanging out with the Discord fam at night, because i haven't talked to them in a fair while now.

        I'm just doing the bare minimum here. At home I just sit, and relax. And think. And before ya know it, it's 11:36 PM, and you wanna sleep, but you gotta dance. And you're, you're sleep deprived 'cause you're almost falling asleep in English class and Chinese class. These are definitely, a trudge, for me. See ya.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017 "Body."

Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Week: 34
Songs to Remember: Change ft. Wale - Rap Monster

        It was 1:41 AM.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017 "Could."

Tuesday, March 28, 2017
Week: 34
Songs to Remember: WEEWOO - PRISTIN (프리스틴), Long Time - X.Q

        "The Things That Could've Been" would make a really nice and edgy name for a teen angst novel. I'm pretty sure there's a book already out there with a name like this.

        I ran into Cl today (or was it Cn, pretty sure it I had her name be Cl).You know, the one I interacted with during the rally performance for Dance class. The one, who's a junior, and is in KDT? She actually hasn't been in any performances or practices since Lunar Show but uh, I think it it's just due to classwork and shit, and I agree, junior year's hard as fuck.

        She' still as friendly as ever, she was always friendly. I'm like "Fuck man, if only I knew she broke up with her BF earlier, I might be in a totally different situation right now." I would've asked her instead to prom, and uh, ya know, things might be different had I had done that. Probably would not move as fast as me and Kt right now, but at least in those circumstances, as in, with Cl, I'd feel much more secure knowing I can put 100% of trust in things.

        Whereas, it is still, I'm not expecting things to last. Even with all the shit going on, you know, despite all the new experiences that one can ask for, that one can dream of, there's still that part in my mind reminding me "Remember all the shit that happened before this, don't forget that one episode." I agree, that was one emotional episode, heh.

        Not the make-out one, the one where I felt like I betrayed my friends. That one. But uh yeah, things've been, different. Besides the guillotine hanging over my head, I've gotten some things done, as well, some things coming up. Such as, I got about 80% of my choreography figured out now. I am going to be honest and say that it is not mine, umm, it is parts of Romeo's "WITHOUT U" that is sped up to match the BPM for Taemin's "Press Your Number." However, it does fit pretty well, not gonna lie, and I like it a lot.

        I've spent quite a bit on clothing and shoes that I've gotta tone it down for now. I was $2000 on my account, now I'm at around $500, which is, could be better. I settled with my mind (whilst showering of course) to the notion that, I shouldn't really pay attention to what others are wearing (and I only should if necessary), but rather focus on what I personally wear. It came to me that, I cannot compete with these topdogs and so I should just relax, take the opportunities to make a profit when and if I can, and just, profit.

        Math final on Saturday, gotta study the day (or night rather) before, there's VSA practice on Thursday after school this week for some reason, uhhh, Kt asked me if I was free tomorrow, and I guess I am since my driving instructor won't arrive 'till around 5:00 PM, so, me and Kt gots until 5:00 PM tomorrow. Oh yeah and, driving practice tomorrow from 5:00 PM to 6:00 PM or something. Trojan Olympics rally performance on Friday, uhhh, VSA show and practice next week, then a week of nothing, then spring break, and theeeen the week leading up to the premier of the last movie for these series.

        Lots of shit, lots of stuff happening. Uhhh, I'll keep ya'll updated. For now, it's 11:06 PM, see ya.

Monday, March 27, 2017 "Guest of Biology."

Monday, March 27, 2017

Week: 34

Songs to Remember: Buster Call Cypher ( 버스터콜사이퍼) (Feat. Bully da ba$tard, Young B, Jay Moon, 김효은, Justhis, Don Mills, Swings) - Doplamingo (돕플라밍고), Change - Rap Monster

        It's a shame that it's only Monday, because there's so much shit going on by the end of the week, along with other weeks ahead of that.

        For starters, I got driving lessons probably tomorrow. I also got a "date" with Kt at her house on Thursday, of which Mp will be coming as well. Friday is the Trojan Olympics rally performance for KDT. Saturday is the AP Calc AB final. That's right, this upcoming Saturday. A lot of people didn't know that, including me.

        A lot of people (including me) also did not know that there was a math quiz today. The teacher did not say anything about it. She only posted that there was going to be one this past weekend on Schoolloop. Very unfair to be honest, not everybody's supposed to check/ is able to check every couple days. some of us don't even check anymore (including me) because their teachers never post SHIT on schoolloop.

        No verbal reminders beforehand, no written reminders beforehand, shit was BS. I essentially got 80% of the quiz wrong, but fortunately for the curve, everybody got at least a passing score. My grade's still sitting at a C, a 76%. I swear if there's going to be another quiz this week, I'ma fucking flip. There is no reason for that, considering we need the time to study for the fucking final.

        Today there was special guest appearance. Ct (ya know, from The Days) was near the school, so she stopped by. I was like "Yeah I'm still at school, at the L building, dancing." It was nice talk, catching up on what we've been doing. I asked quite a few questions regarding college since, well, I'll be going to the same college as her in about 5 months. Very nice to have intel like that, and also very nice to reconnect on things like this.

        Kt however, apparently she felt jealous that I was talking to her so much, heh, during KDT practice. I'd infer that it was because she was female. But uh, yeah. that's, that's actually a good sign that she's invested in me, and only me. And if it is still a rouse, she damn well knows how to plan, I gotta give her that.

        Tomorrow is Nike vs. Adidas day for our spirit week here at school, which means tomorrow, all the hypebeasts are gonna come out of hiding. Expecting to see a lot, of shit. Umm, still a lot more I'd like to discuss but it's pretty late (1:53 AM), so uh, see ya.

Sunday, March 26, 2017 "Committed."

Sunday, March 26, 2017
Week: 33
Songs to Remember: Cake by the Ocean, Long Time - X.Q

        In order to really lock-in some of the plans for a well-rounded High school experience, I need to be able to drive before prom.

        And so I've decided to take the initiative and keep my word on wanting to get my license during spring break, which will be from April 10th to the 14th. Uber'ing is an option, but I don't think there are that many Uber drivers that drive out that late at night (past midnight) around here. I could carpool wiht some friends, but it's still, they kinda control where to go and whatnot. A bit restrained in terms of freedom.

        If we (Kt and I) were to have one of our parents drive us, that would be even more restraining and will totally nullify about 50% of the plans. So that's a definite no. I've looked up driving videos, like, California DMV POV driving test videos, and uh, they do seem pretty easy. I just need to get used to driving and it's, pretty easy. I do only have one shot at this though because if I fail, I gotta wait 2 weeks. Or, I don't know. My mom hired an instructor who said that he'd schedule the appointment himself (even though I checked online that 99% of the time-slots for spring-break are taken) for me to take it during when I wanted it, aka, spring break.

        So we'll see how that goes. My tutoring times will be on Tuesdays, Wednesday, and the weekends. Mondays and Fridays are reserved for KDT practices, and, this upcoming Thursday, I'll be heading over to Kt's house, of which, 2 of her friends will be coming over as well. Not sure what we're gonna do but uh, we'll see.

        Besides some Snapchatting, Messengering, suggestive bantering, cousin Discording, and online clothes shopping, it's just been a regular stay-at-home Sunday. Didn't get as much asleep as I wanted, but, ehhhh. Anyways, it's 12:30 AM, see ya.

Saturday, March 25, 2017 "Things to Do."

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Week: 33

Songs to Remember: Don't Recall - K.A.R.D, Parents' House - The Colleagues

        What a nice relaxing Saturday. Still got deadlines hanging above me though, but, I uh, I got things set I think.

        For the time being of course. The next few weeks are gonna be pretty, pretty unpredictable. Or, the next, few months and even the summer as well. For instance, Kt's started a "Things to do with Doggu" (that's me), list. I was wrong on the date for when she asked me out. It was not the 10th but in fact was the 13th, which doesn't make it any better but, at least I can keep track now in case anniversary shit comes up and she's like "Where's my celebration bruh" (she doesn't talk like that btw but you get what I mean).

        She's also, continuing to talk about summer stuff. I'm like "Bruh it ain't even been one month with you yet and you already planning out months ahead. Her list includes, one month anniversary, prom, finish watching that K-Drama we made-out on, sleep over, hang out after dark, and one that was scribbled out on her Snapchat, which I'm kinda curious on what that's about. I'm like "How long you gonna keep this ploy up?" I really, really don't know how long this is gonna last, according to her. Could end tomorrow, could end next, millennium. She mentioned that during the summer, some of the rooms will be vacant at her sister's college dorms, so, people like her relatives/friends can stay there, and so she's like "If you come over in the summer there's empty rooms in the apartments and we could spend time there ;)"

        Also forgot talk about kink factor. From what we've talked about either on Messenger or Snapchat, on kink levels, she's kinda high up there. Lw told me about it, not sure the source, and uh, judging from the making-out with french-kissing and only after two-weeks, with her reading some, R-rated uh, stories on asianfanfics.com, it's kinda confirmed at this point. All signs point to yes. Which is not really a problem, just, something to describe, a quality to mention.

        A little background on the pet names, uh, just one day she decided (on messenger) to change my name to "Doggu" and her's to "Pupper." I talked about dogs once, referring to them as doggu's and puppers, and uh, I guess, I guess that works, because likes dogs, and, cats too. Uhhhh so yeah, just, Snapchat'd and Messenger'd all day long, as well as some shoe and shirt-investing with my cousin. I did get some good sleep, even though I did have to wake up at 7:00 AM to enter a raffle.

        Tomorrow, just, wrapping work up before, the rise of, for the most part, the usual, now. It's 1:49 AM, we, still haven't said goodnight yet (we as in Kt and I), so, probably is gonna keep going for another hour or so. Anyways, see ya.

Friday, March 24, 2017 "Cold Since 8:00 AM."

Friday, March 24, 2017

Week: 33

Songs to Remember: Never Ever - GOT7, iSpy - KYLE

        It's at this point of the year where people are getting their UC acceptances. My buddies are of course, going to different ones, ranging from UC's to CSU's to community colleges.

        And of course it's expected. High school friends are there to get you through a very awkward time: High school. I know most things won't last, however there are still some things that I still ain't sure about.

        Today was a more calmer day in terms of events. Calm in that, however, not calm in weather. I overslept again, having snoozed my first alarm. I made a custom alarm last night with dubstep and loud noises in random intervals so there's no way I can get used to it. I set up three alarms, I snoozed my 1st one, aaand, my other 2 didn't go off. Like what the fuck.

        Academic work's, been better, heh. The "senioritis" has almost reached full throttle. KDT practice dealt with just rally formations, I'm only in BTS "Fire," so that was basically just, 15 minutes of practice for me. And uh, the, in the mean-time it was just the usual Kt stuff.

        Still got a lot planned and still. Still sleepy as fuck in classes, and this'll hopefully be the first weekend in a long time I get to FUCKING sleep for once. However, I do gotta wake up at 7:00 AM for a chance at stupid shoes. Anyways, see ya.

Thursday, March 23, 2017 "Eyes Closed."

Thursday, March 23, 2017
Week: 33
Songs to Remember: BODY - MINO, FXXK IT - BIGBANG, Adore U - Seventeen, BEST OF 2015- K-POP MEGA MASH-UP - SHIMMixes

        If a younger version of myself, maybe even like, just three years younger, were to see me today, I'm pretty sure he'd be like "Damn!" And I really would too.

        Now that's just surface, just, seeing the view of it all. If a younger version of myself were to see the context, maybe he wouldn't be so eager or excited. From what happened today, I do consider myself lucky, in some terms, but unlucky in others. What has happened so far between me and Kt, from my perspective at least, and I'm being completely honest here, is, is just, it's just lust. I don't feel too much of the emotional connection that I have had for other people.

        And it's not say that physical interactions don't build emotions, they do. But for me, even with that, in the end it's more lust than it is love. Could be many reasons why I'm not feeling it as strongly as for other past people. Could be that she's the one leading (in terms of pace). Could be, could be that it's just going too fast. To put time into perspective, we mutually agreed to go to prom on March 7th. She asked me out on March 10th. Today is the 23rd, and still March, meaning, almost three weeks since we've actually done anything close together (I don't KASA show really counted 'cause there wasn't shit but an open-door of temptation and knee-touching).

        It's barely been three weeks and we've already gotten to extremely suggestive make-out cuddle sessions. Oh yeah, didn't get into that part yet. Also, forgot to mention the promposal. It's, there's just so much that's been happening I can't even keep track anymore. Let's just start with the promposal 'cause it's more easier to manage, and describe. I was carrying a rolled-up promposal poster with a bag inside a bag full of Seventeen albums from 1st to 2nd period. I messaged my buddy Jk to help out a bit with the surprise factor, because I think that's what makes up, 50% of a promposal, is the surprise factor. When the 2nd period bell rang for break, I booked it to the side and met up with Jk. The plan was for me to go up to Kt to tell her to hold my bag of Seventeen albums. She'll be wondering what the heck is in the bag, Jk will follow me from 15 feet away, hand me the poster, I hold it up and yaaaay, promposal.

        When I went to her usual hangout place, she wasn't there. I was like "Shieeeet. Alright Jk, just, just hold onto the poster." Kt arrives, she was, she was in the middle of the green where the freshmen were hanging out. She comes up to me like "I was looking for you, I was like 'My boyfriend is missing.'" I hand her the bag, I was like "Can you hold this for me for a sec," I hand her the bag, Jk comes up from behind her to hand me the poster, I show it in its full corny glory, and uh, well, she, she stood there, hands over her mouth 'cause she'd risk snapping her braces' rubberbands if she smiled too hard. I was waiting, I was waiting, people were looking, in my mind I was like "eHHHHHHHHH, c'mon, I uh, not sure what to do here." I was like "Will you go to prom with me?" and she knodded and we hugged, people cheered, and uh, that was it.

        And a kiss on the cheek. Apparently it was a high-traffic area 'cause many people saw. Time to cross this off my list, heh. Not exactly what I envisioned, but it worked out. What worried me was that I was hoping Kb wouldn't see it all considering her hangs out in the middle of the green with his buddies sometimes. But uh, according to sources from Ln and from Kt, he did see it, and uh, he looked pretty bummed. I was like "Fuck man, now that makes me depressed." Is there anything wrong with dating a dude's girl after they broke up? No, not at all. Is there something wrong when you, you kinda know 'em personally and you're now dating his girl? Kinda. Is there something wrong with, dating a girl and showing it un-willingly on almost a daily basis in peripheral vision of the dude? Yeah.

        I do feel like I betrayed him. I was like "Oh, I'ma roast the shit outta her. Sorry for what she did fam, I feel bad for you." I feel like I lost the respect of some of those around me for keeping this shtick up, but I'm in too deep now. The only way out is for her to break-up with me, and, with her talking 'bout how I'm planning on visiting her when I'm in college, I'm not even sure if that's possible. But judging from building just, lust so far, rather than love (from my perspective that is), it's, it's bound to collapse, and when it does, I won't feel bad. I won't feel anything.

        The amount of experience I've gained so far has been tremendous that, if she were to break up with me and I'd have to start back from square one, I'd have no trouble doing so. All I'ma say is this: the amount of self-esteem she has helped me raise of my own has been higher than it has ever been in my life. And with that, I'll be able to transcend over any gaps if shit goes wrong. I'd be like "Okay, I got this. Drew, you know what to do."

        Alright now let's get into the part you're all wondering about. "Making out? Do tell, Drew, do tell." First off, just wanna warn that it is gonna be kinda PG-13. Probably as suggestive as it's gonna get, without clothes being taken off. Err, revealing too much, I should say. Not gonna lie, what I'ma describe will most likely sound like a nasty-ass fanfiction, heh, I'm sorry. But, that's, for shit like this, especially when it's a first, I'm obligated to describe it in its entirety, and that is to help.

        Now that that's outta the way, let's get on with it. I've watched a lot of media, a lot of coming-of-age films and shows, and this has certainly been just like one of those scripts. Not even kidding, it's just a scene from it, ripped out from the bindings of the pages, and inserted me and Kt into the cast list. After school, Kt and I walked from where we usually were to the back of the school for my mom to pick us up. A miscommunicated text made it so that we had to wait a bit for my mom to arrive to pick us up.

        It wasn't that hot today, it was pretty mild actually, but Kt was feeling a bit warm because apparently she had two pairs of pants on. I was like "Two pairs of pants? I haven't doubled up in pants since winter-time. That shit was cold as fuck." This just built into the uh, this just foreshadowed that she would be, taking 'em off. Taking off the FIRST pair only, leaving on the second pair of course. We got to my house, we go into my room, it starts out slow. I'm like "This is it. Here's my closet, my desk. My bed."

        I was busy setting up the laptop to the TV monitor so we could watch "Strong Woman Do Bong Soon," this comedy K-drama, while she was busy opening up the Seventeen K-Pop albums I got her. I finally got the site to work, we hop on my bed, SITTING, and watching the first episode, whilst cuddling and the usual, kiss and whatnot. About 20 minutes into the episode, things got sorta, heated. She kisses me and she keeps going, and going, and in my mind I'm like, "Oh shit, this is a uh, this what you'd call 'making out,' right?"

        Further down the line of watching the 1st episode, it transitioned to cuddling whilst lying on my bed, with the covers pulled over our legs (her idea). So we're laying there, feeling each-other up, nothing too too harsh by the way, and uh the occasional short-period, 10 to maybe, 30-second make-out session, before she takes a calm rest on my chest or we continue watching the show. I'm already feeling, I'm already feeling fucking oo-ey from writing all of this, heh, believe me, I do NOT want to be writing this.

        There was a point where the make-out session of just kissing turned into, some french-kissing. When I felt that tongue, I was like "...d-oh oh my god, that is a tongue. Alright, guess we're going into french-kissing now." Luckily we're both comfortable with pretty much everything because this shit would not happen with anybody else, at least, within the first few weeks, heh, that's for sure.

        By the way, I've never been a part of any make-out sessions before, let alone french-kiss, so, of course this was all new to me. Especially the kissing. It went from, like, "pecks," to, I don't know what you'd call it. Sucking the faces off of each-other, or, vacuum-action, or whatever, heh, on the lips. The best way I'd describe it is puckering your lips but not too much, then opening and closing them like if you were fake-chewing, and then adding some vacuum-suction action into that. Eyes closed too, remember that. That's, that's what it is. Looks a lot more complicated in movies, and now that I know how it's done, it's nothing really that special, heh.

        From this, it moved on to positions. Instead of side-by side, it was leg over leg, and then the next the thing I knew, she was on top of me. Never feared my parents barging into my room than at a time like this, I'll tell ya what. It was just make-out sessions from there, with breaks, she was still on top of me. I was like holding her waist really for most of the time, and then I was thinking like "Is this I go from wait to ass, I think she's comfortable with ass." And yep, she was. And those, that pair of pants was pretty, pretty thin, because I could feel her panties through 'em. Again, SORRY, for the too graphic, descriptive text, it's, it's euuugh, heh. Should not be writing this.

        In fact, it was apparently intentional because she asked me on messenger after we drove her home. She was like "Wait did you feel my underwear?" I'm thinking like "Okay Drew, play it safe. You know it's a 50/50 chance on either she wanted you to feel 'em, or checking if you a fucking perv. GO THE SAFE ROUTE." And so I said "uh nope." "That's weird ok. You should have been able to. Oh well." I'm thinking like "... FUUUUUUUCK, what the fuck is going on, this is literal word-for-word of a coming-of-age script, what is this." I reverse it and say "Oh then yeah I did. I was like 'Does she want me to feel her underwear?' LOL" "I REALIZED YOU CAN FEEL IT THROUGH THESE LEGGINGS. I dressed like this on purpose TBH. And it's comfy *^*"

        Actual messenger quote. Still kinda in disbelief 'cause this shit is pretty much right out of a movie. Very rarely does 3 weeks of comfortability create this level of convo, if you can even call it a convo. My younger self would have a hard time believing this shit would happen, well, based on the circumstances. And that is why I gotta say that I really am growing up way too fast. This year, just, from Fall 2016 to now, I've done, so many things. So many firsts, both good and bad.

        And as quoting nognig, she did feel  slam her fucking hand down on my penor. Okay, didn't really slam, but, she put it there. And if shit ain't, I don't know what. Again, sorry for the PG-13 raiting for this episode, it wasn't what I expecting. Nothing too good, but nothing bad either. Also word of advice: anytime a girl is gonna be arriving to your house, with, the uh notion that shit might go down, just be ready. As in, completely hygienic, and comfortable. I was, you could definitely say I was not ready, heh. Anyways, no work due tomorrow really so, I could take a break for now (you deserve it Drew). It's 11:58 PM, see ya.

EDIT: Forgot to post this pic

Wednesday, March 22, 2017 "Calm to Collect."

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Week: 33

Songs to Remember: Adore U - Seventeen, 

        There has been a TON of shit going on. I'm within deadlines, feelings, and lack of sleep, and I thought the best way to convey what has happened so far is going piece by piece, from what I can remember, that I have yet to get the chance to say or discuss, from, let's say, the past few days.

        First off, let's just get the work out of the way. So far, I've been pushing all my work, ranging from Chinese, math, Econ, etc, to the day of/after, the morning of/after, or the weekend of/after. After already having been accepted, it's, it's like "Unless I wanna learn some of the bits and bolts of what can be learned, I don't gotta stress myself out too much."

        KDT, uhhh. I've just been making mixes, making 'em before deadlines, going to practices, the usual I guess. I'm guessing, it's been very stressful for the KDT presidents Mt and Jb, as, we got deadlines for emails to send, mixes to send/make, formations to form, practices to practice, polls to vote on, etc. That's because we got a rally performance next week on Friday, as well as the VSA show the week, week after. It's a lot, especially with ASB not cooperating as we'd like them to be.

        And now for the spicy stuff. Oh before that, I got some stories to tell. Remember when I used to tell stories? That was when shit used to happen in classes. Now, it's, nothing really happens, or it's not major enough for me to care. Anyways, in English class about a week ago, we were taking a quiz on Othello, and uh, this one dude, who is known for, well, a uh, what's the word? Delinquent, alright. It was a seriously easy quiz, no way you can fail it, because the teacher went over the answers literally the day before.

        And it's literally the simplest shit. One of the questions was like "Iago and Rodrigo want to expose Othello for blank." Yep, the simplest shit. Even the teacher was like "I shouldn't even be giving you this quiz, it's too easy." Well, guess it wasn't easy enough for this dude 'cause apparently he wanted to search up the answers online his Siri blurted out a text-to-speech of what he was looking for. "Othello did not marry Desdemona because blank blank" or something like that, but it was very concise, and it even said "Desdemona" and "Othello," so he couldn't really hide what he was doing, heh. Fortunately for him, the teacher didn't really give a shit, just, looked at him like "Really, n-word."

        Another story was uh, well I forgot. So, shit. I'll remember probably by the end of this post, or maybe tomorrow. Anyways here's the spicy stuff. About, I don't know, TODAY, uhhh, after walking Kt to her 3rd period class, she, kissed me on the cheek, and then, kissed me on the lips, was slightly off-center, and then she kissed me on the lips again. It's like, during the scene the crowd goes "wooooOOOOOOO," like how in every sitcom when people kiss. Yeah I was surprised, not gonna say I wasn't, but my eyes weren't really, I wasn't really "wide-eyed" either. All because it happened so fast, this wasn't, this wasn't really in the moment of anything, we were just holding hands outside her class.

        Umm, in my mind, I was like, I really was like "Fuck... this shit wasn't as dramatic as I expected, nor did I expect it to happen now... there's nothing to write about this." And I was right, there's basically nothing to write about. Yeah, it was my first kiss, but it wasn't like "at a park by dusk," or, "we were on the dance-floor at prom," or whatever. It was literally outside her 3rd period English classroom, and I just, I just took it, like a champ. From a first-person, experience, perspective, it's not as lit as you'd think, well, from my place and time, it wasn't. But now I uh, I have this documented, and uh, I can always go back here if I wanna re-live my first kiss.

        And yeah, I guess now we doing just lip-kisses now (she did it after school, and before 5th period). I guess that's how we're moving up, or, how she wants to move up in comfortablity? Still not a word. Speaking of tiers, yesterday she was talking (over messenger) about how she was originally going to be named "Cinderella," instead of Kt. I said something and something, and she was like "YOU'D HAVE YOUR GFS NAME BE CINDRELLA." And when I saw "GF" I was like "Does she think we're BF/GF now? When was this?" I took the time to ask about it like "Oh we bf and gf now. Aight, cool cool."

        She assumed that we were BF/GF from the start and uh, that's, that's one way to do it but like. It's still only been like, 2 weeks. I asked her to prom (dear lord help me if I forget) on the 7th, and she asked me to date her on the 10th of this month. I always thought that first it was dating, and then it was BF/GF. Buuuuuut I guess we just, we just straight-up (or she really) skipped the dating tier (even though she did specifically say 'dating' when she asked me to date). Uhhh, let's see, let's see. We're still continuing the shower teaser Snapchats, uh, I guess, heh. I forgot to send her yesterday and she was like "dang, missed out on the shower pic today" or something like that, so I was like "Oh, guess, guess she wants to continue that."

        And I can now understand (sort-ish) why people do spend quite a while in the bathroom, trying for the best, booty shot, or whatever appendage, or, yeah, heh. Keep in mind we're all still doing this PG-13, so, no real nudity. I'd compare it to, like, what you cannot show on television. There you go. Most television, I should say. Now, we do, or rather, she, does take some banter a bit further in the levels, and uh, of course, I go along with it, with the joke. Just today she said something in a Snap along the lines of "You might be seeing a bit more tomorrow" and I'm playing like "ooo spicy" and she's like "jk too fast." I'm thinking like "smh? N-word. You do shit like this and say 'jk too fast'" when it's only been, two weeks in, all because of a prom promise, and uh, we moving to kisses already.

        And you just, broke up with a dude, 4 days prior to the dating question. Also forgot to mention, she said she had a dream last night, or, nightmare really, that a dude, that same dude that took advantage of her, was shouting obscenities at her. She was like "You probably know him. He was at the K-Pop showcase?" And I'm like "Yeahh, I know who you're talking about," and so, this just, again, strongly re-affirms the evidence for what happened.

        As for things planned, there's KDT practice on Friday and uh, tomorrow Kt's coming over to my house. And also I'll be, be giving her a... promposal, tomorrow. Hopefully it doesn't rain. On top of that, there's also a Supreme drop tomorrow, which I will hopefully get a uh, a W, within all of this, freak, shit, crazy shit going on.

       And a reminder that I'm not fully committed, I ain't going all-in. I'm like at a uh, 60% on this. Still cautious. It's 11:49 PM, I got a math quiz tomorrow (can't get enough of 'em), gotta study for that, and math work to finish tomorrow morning. Anyways, see ya.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017 "Poster U."

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Week: 33

Songs to Remember: Adore U - Seventeen

        Promposal posters are some of the ugliest things you can work on, especially with only a pencil and markers and you're trying to fill up space.

        At least it's handwritten, and it's the thought that counts. But when it comes to aesthetics, personally, for me, looks fucking nasty. Anyways, I'd kill for some sleep so I'll be clutching math work tomorrow in the morning during 1st period. Not gonna lie, I'm even sleepier than Junior year and sophomore year combined. It's, it's that bad.

        Nothing much else happened besides, the "usual" now. Thursday, is when things get ham. Alrighty, see ya.

Monday, March 20, 2017 "Sit a While."

Monday, March 20, 2017

Week: 33

Songs to Remember: Adore U - Seventeen, Without U - Romeo

        Done with mixing, got destroyed by math even though I thoroughly studied, got sat on and cuddled with, and uh, I made it into the rally.

        Starting out with some slow stuff, I finished making the mixes for KDT for the next couple performances already, so that's a nice relief. Still got paperwork due. Umm, during KDT practice today, we got through all the formations for our dances, for the upcoming VSA show which is next month, April 8th, as well the the dayshow on April 5th. I (and also Kt coincidentally) was only in two songs, and we did formations for those first.

        After those two, it was just free time for me, and I guess, mostly Kt. It was pretty much spent with me, sitting on the stone seat border, with her sitting on my lap, facing out, and her reading some fucking, fanfics, on her phone. It was raining hard after school, so we were all under the L-building (fucking California weather. It's the first day of Spring, it's March, it was 80 degrees last week, it's raining today, and a storm tomorrow, come the fuck on).

        In my list of experiences, I hadn't thought of this one, but uh, I guess, I guess it works. To explain some personal feelings, I ain't really comfortable showing that sorta PDA in front of, all my peers. Especially ones who, some who may look up to me as a role model in KDT and uh, here I am, sitting, with a chick in my lap. I guess that's something some may want to strive for, but, I, I wasn't expecting this.

        Also, people will think of me differently. Like, vibes have already rubbed off on me and people see that, and I'm trying to convey "Hey, I'm still, I'm still me, the 'ol me, and my standards haven't changed a bit, just, just a weird circumstance right now." But then again, there's nothing really bad that can be said about me besides "Ooo, he's dating Kt," which, I mean I guess.

        Oh and as for the rally, the student activites director at our school was like "Yeah, ya'll gotta take out the PG-13 part in Boombayah or take the whole thing out, and ya'll good." This was good actually, 'cause that meant that, everybody could be in the rally now. The original intention was, only people who were in 2/3 of the songs (which were only 3 btw) got to perform. Now because that, basically almost everybody can be in it, especially me, since uh, I only got in for BTS' "Fire," which was a given since I was in it for Lunar Show.

        Tomorrow, I will be starting on the promposal poster (as it is in my, what people would call, a "bucket list"). I was originally gonna have it be base on the "what in tarnation" shiba dog, but uh, felt kinda weird, and so I decided to do a Seventeen inspired one instead, which I think is mutually, mutually good. Anyways, it's 1:30 AM, see ya.

Sunday, March 19, 2017 "Shower Later."

Sunday, March 19, 2017
Week: 33
Songs to Remember: Cheese & Wine - DPR LIVE, Know Me - DPR LIVE

        So this is where it's come down to huh, it's come down to sending suggestive post-shower Snapchats.

        It's 10:15 PM and I'm like "Hey, isn't this the time when Kt usually takes a shower at. It's been a while since I sent a Snap and she opened it, don't tell me she's busy creating the perfect post-shower pi-." She did. All because I did send one today (just for the record, I didn't start it. She posted one like, a few days ago or a week or some time ago, I don't know).

        She also said "Expect to see this much at prom" and I'm like "Oh man." She proceeds with "Well my eyes are up here" and I'm just like "That is tru." And then, she says "jk idrc." I'm thinking like "This n- I ain't no fiddle, why you playin' me like this."

        Today was just a nice rest-up day. Considered starting a small workout schedule, even though I do not own any uh, weight-lifting equipment. My thought process is that, I can maybe, eat a ton of shit and then work that off in the form of push-ups, sit-ups, etc. I mean I do nothing all day anyways besides sit, so. Might as well change that sitting into, exercising. We'll see. Uhhh, Did nothing but study for the math test tomorrow. Also, KDT practice tomorrow from 3:00 PM to 5:00 PM.

        And yeah, gonna start on making the mixes for KDT soon, as well as a poster, and, a dog plush, with a cowboy hat. You'll see. Anyways, see ya.

Saturday, March 18, 2017 "Party in the Dark."

Saturday, March 18, 2017
Week: 32
Songs to Remember: Right Here Right Now (Feat. 로꼬 & 박재범) - DPR LIVE, WITHOUT U (니가 없는데) - Romeo (로미오), SKIT (CHEEZE사리추가VER) - Giriboy (기리보이)

        Currently, there are two parties going on. One for a dude's birthday, at which many are at. And uh, another, a birthday party at Sc's buddy's house (the one who's also in my dance class), at which Bp and Rh and a whole bunch of others are at.

        Both parties contain alcohol, and ya'll already know how much I wanna get the full High school media experience by going to one of these. And how do I know how all this shit's going down? Snapchat, that's what. So yeah, it does bum me out that I'm sitting here at home instead of experiencing new shit. What also bums me out were the L's I took today.

        With all these W's (sorta) on Supreme and Palace, there's always gotta be some L's to go with 'em, and uh, I got some, some L's, today. Woke up at 6:30 AM to get on my PC and phone to get the chance to buy some $150 Nike Air Max 1 Atmos to re-sell for some crazy prices. Unfortunately my entry was not selected, so I went back to sleep, only to oversleep past my alarm, to 9:00 AM, which is also when KDT practice is supposed to start. I get there by 9:20 PM, people were busying practicing for evaluations, we start at 9:30 AM, dances pass and uh, I did my dance for Red Velvet's "Russian Roulette." I did the best, to my abilities, I mean I practiced for 2+ hours last night.

        Unfortunately it was not good enough, and also partly because the teachers taught the dance differently so, you gotta do it the way it was taught or else, ehhh, and so, on the list for the VSA show performance line-up, I am only in UNI5's "C'mon," and Seventeen's "Boom Boom," which, I mean, if it weren't for me being a teacher and getting guaranteed put-in for the dance, I might've not have gotten into any songs at all.

        But that's just me being pessimistic and underestimating my true abilities. On the bright side of it all, they did not release the rally line-up yet for us, and we might not even get in at all for it (KDT that is). So, I might still have a chance at getting to perform in the upcoming rally. The reason I'm banking on this is 'cause, the gym is bigger, so, more people can be accepted into the dance line-ups than usual performance line-ups (due to stage space limitations).

        Other than all that, there was nothing much else today. I finished, I finished Chinese work. Yes, Kt was at KDT practice today. I'm still, I still do things with her half-heartedly. I just do it to do it, not, because I really feel anything. I don't know, maybe this is my conscience saying "Alright Drew, you asked for it, here it is. Now, doesn't really feel too good, does it." I distinctively remember that, a while ago, I said that I just need some social security (not the number) and plans would mellow out, that I would be able to focus on other things more, effectively, 'cause one of my needs would be fulfilled . I would feel secure, knowing that, I would have at least one person I can fall back on, if I'm left with nothing but one other person.

        Actually putting school stuff to use for once, heh. I was like "Doesn't this apply to that one 'needs' pyramid thing from Psychology." Yep, it does. Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Currently I'm on the level of "love and belonging" as well as "esteem." Working on both right now, as we speak. Cannot wait to get to that self-actualization. Now that's, that's when I can be the best I can be.

        So. I was going to end this post approximately, 4 hours ago. It's 1:45 right now, and, I got some more info to tell. Sc (not sure if I mentioned this shit before, probably, not have), about, I don't know, a week ago maybe, told me that Kt was, taken advantage of, sexually, before in her life (or "rape" as what Sc said. That word just sounds very harsh to me so I don't, I don't really like saying it. Kinda hypocritical since I say fuck so much but, shit like this I take on a more personal level). She told me the one responsible for that was this one dude that tried to slide into Sc's DM's for sex (he goes to another school, by the way, but has performed in some of the same shows as KDT. Most of us know him). I should've asked her for the source, but it's whatever. Sc is in my list of one of the most trustworthy people I know, so I do believe her.

        And just about an hour or so ago, I got my confirmation first-hand. Kt and I were talking (messaging of course), about today's intimateness. Joking around, playfully, of course. She was like "I gave you so many kisses, you only gave me like 4," and I was like "It's okay, I'll give you like, 40 that, when Tuesday and Thursday come." Then she was like "alright, only if you're comfortable with that." I'm like "Yeah I'm comfortable with it, it's only if YOU'RE comfortable with it." She's like "I'm comfortable with everything." I'm like "Oh hey, what a coincidence, I'm comfortable with everything too." I could sense that this shit was gonna delve into discussion of some form of intimicy, and uh, I was right.

        She was like "What have you done to be comfortable?" And that uh, that question did stump me, so I went with my usual Drew expression of "Idk," and handed the question to her. "What have you done to be comfortable?" She says "Everything I guess," and uh, I said "yeah same goes for me pretty much," only because I really am comfortable with everything. Usually when it comes to people, I worry more about them than I do myself, heh, in complete honesty. And in a complete turn from light to, heavy dark, she inquires "O you lost your virginity?"

        Now by everything, I, it was kinda implied but, I, didn't think she'd outright ask that. I said tried to make it sound like a "Please don't make me answer this question," and returned the question to her (which is sorta not really difficult since, she does seem to like to talk a lot about herself, which is fine, I like hearing others talk). She explained how she did sadly lost hers already. In my mind I'm like "So, it, it is confirmed huh." I didn't want to make her any more uncomfortable than she might've been talking 'bout this shit (even though she brought it up. Probably wanted to vent and let it out. Also might've probably been another passage for that, rape rumor to spill out).

        I only asked "What do you mean by sadly?" before she moved on to venting 'bout how she wants to protect her older sister since even she makes the same mistakes as her (which I can now piece together from that one time of how she told me she was giving advice to her sister about her sister's boyfriend). She replied with "Peer pressure" and that point I was thinking like "It is sadly, definitely confirmed."

        After hearing all that, I felt like I, I mean I was, I was sad for her. Like, I was like "Fuck..." It just, it just hit me with like a wave of depression, it made me think of all the bad shit people have thought or said about her, about how she, I guess, move from guy to guy because they seem untrustworthy, about how, she has had to change the way she behaved due to shit like this, and even, about how I was gonna fucking end her social life by roasting her based on one event and several rumors. I've known Kt for only, 2 weeks now I think, to the point where she feels comfortable enough to give me cheek-kisses, heh, but I'm guessing that's close enough.

        I think it's safe to say I know a lot about her than others might from just, rumors. Rumors, as small as they are, they apparently impact me a lot, heh, 'cause uh, shit might've hit the fan had I not take it slow (and or heed to my own niceness and Cc's advice). But yeah, it's 2:50 AM, we've been sending messaged back and forth, it finally stopped for now 'till morning (which it is but you get what I mean). You know I never thought I'd experience being in relationship with somebody who's had this sorta background before, heh, it's, it is crazy!

        And it can only get crazier from here. See ya.

Friday, March 17, 2017 "High Temperatures."

Friday, March 17, 2017

Week: 32

Songs to Remember: SKIT (CHEEZE사리추가VER) - Giriboy (기리보이), Right Here Right Now (Feat. 로꼬 & 박재범) - DPR LIVE

        And I thought what I considered moving fast as, moving fast. Within like two weeks (seriously, now that is fast), it's accelerated from knee-touching to prom to, date jokes, to hand-holding, hugs, and cheek-kisses.

        And that's not to say I hate it. To be honest, it is in a realm of complete newness to me, an experience that I'ma have to say is good to have experienced at least once. But, I am still indifferent (if that's even how you use that word) to it all so far. As in, I'm still not comfortable with it all (nor should I be). There's still a wall a secrets, there's still snaking presence, there's still pasts that are still moving, it's a bad juju aura.

        For a comparison of the level of comfortableness for her, just about an hour ago (it's 12:11 AM), she snapped me a half-naked picture of her with the caption "My showers take too long" or "I take too long of a shower," after having said that she was gonna take a shower at 10:30 PM and snapped me at 11:00 PM. And yeah, also cheek-kisses which, after having experienced several of them today, I can honestly say, movies hype up too much of this shit, heh. Literally takes like a nanosecond, for a feeling that takes like, maybe 2, 3 seconds afterwards.

        So. uhhh, the school stuff has been usual. Nothing out of the ordinary of course. After school, Kt and I went on our "date," if you can, I guess you can call it that. When she said that we were going to a local city to visit somebody, you'd think that we'd be driven there, by like her dad or something. Nope, heh, we, we walked, by ourselves took us about 45 minutes to get from the school to her "somebody," in 75 degree temperatures. Also, that "somebody" turned out to be her grandmother, who, passed about a decade ago. We were visiting her grave at the mortuary located in that local city.

        Kinda makes you think "Well Drew, it's fortunate that you did not roast her when she does peaceful shit like this." Really, really weird date. We walked back to the school, which again, took 45 minutes, in the same temperature. When we finally got back to the school, it sorta turned into a real "date," if you can call it that. We made our way to the park which is, located right across from the school, about, 20 yards or so, maybe more, maybe less. We sat in the shade on a bench there, whilst hand-holding and uh, talking 'bout random shit.

        Along with the random cheek-kissing. Once it hit 5:00 PM, she called up her dad to pick us up and drop me off to my house. She (or we) already got stuff planned for our next "date," which is Thursday, next week, where we're gonna be... at my house, with us watching a K-drama in my room. It's uh, it's definitely gonna be something alright.

        Tomorrow, I got some work to turn in, as well as KDT practice from 9:00 AM to 12:00 PM because fuck me. I got a dance to practice tonight to be ready for evaluations tomorrow. Oh and uh, copped some Palace this morning, forgot to mention that. And the rest, is un-planned. I need to get some poster-paper soon to start on that, that promposal thing. Not because I have to, but because I do want to. To experience something that I've always seen in the media, and ya'll know how much that shit has influenced me so far. Anyways, it's 12:30 AM, see ya.

Thursday, March 16, 2017 "Karry Me."

Thursday, March 16, 2017Week: 32
Songs to Remember: SKIT (CHEEZE사리추가VER) - Giriboy (기리보이), To Myself - DPR LIVE

        Man I am tired. And I am sorta resorting back to my afternoon naps, which I don't like, but if I don't, I'll be having to nap late at night, which will drive me away from my late night due dates for stuff like, work, and dance learning.

        Speaking of dance, tomorrow there's KDT practice for BlackPink's "Boombayah." I won't be there though because of an apparent change of plans. I will be going on "date" with Kt tomorrow until 5:00 PM. She wants to go see a friend or whatever in a city close-by here. Then we'll uh, we'll go to a milk tea place, which is plentiful in this area we're gonna be at.

        There comes times when I do feel like I'm going towards my own spin-off, like DrewN. He hasn't really ate lunch with us for a while now. He does show up during break though. Umm, yeah, and that's, it's all good for him. Right now, Kt and I meet up to walk together to her hangout spot (whilst holding hands, just gotta make that clear). Very convenient though that her hangout spot is like, 20 feet away from where our cast table isl

         Then it's me and her walking together to her 3rd period. She was like "What would you do if I kissed you on the cheek?" and of course I said the, the classic Drew response, which was "Hmm, I don't know." She didn't do it though, her excuse being that there's too many people around, which, I agree, I mean it is a school. We, we walk from lunch to her 5th period, and then uh, from 5th to 6th, during passing period, she walks with me to my 6th period, all ending with a hug by the way.

        And then finally it's me and her, walking from 6th period to, the front of the school, for her to get picked up, and uh, yeah she kissed me on the cheek as she left. And I'm thinking like "So. This is uh. How, how long we keeping this up?" In messages today, she mentioned shit about summer, and I'm thinking like 'Ooooo. She, she planning a bit too far ahead, I, I don't even plan for the next day, let alone 4 months." Just how long is she gonna keep this up?

        I'm still not letting my guard down though. Still walking on bubble-wrap, and when shits starts popping, I'm dipping. She also continues to talk about the shit that's happened to her, like how she had physical therapy, chronic pains, uh, how "some things went wrong with [her] head," etc. I'm thinking like "Geez like, is this why she slithers? Seems like she's been through, through a bit too too much." Still cautious, don't worry.

        So yeah. All in all, I still wanna spend time with my buddies, with, the cast. They've carried me far and I'd like to show that, I do thank 'em for that. And Kt, she's been carrying this whole shenanigan from start to finish, which, I can't really give a shit 'bout since, I'm just, doing whatever I please, heh. Anyways, it's 12:48 AM, see ya.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017 "Close Look."

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Week: 32

Songs to Remember: Paradise - NCT 127, Girlfriend - Big Bang, That's What I Like - Bruno Mars

        Welcome back to another episode of, Precisely Refined. In this episode, we got to take a close look at some of the KDT cast members, as well as some more filler.

        As an update on what's happening in classes, I ain't gonna go in-depth at all, just, listing what's happening right now. Just to, give an idea of where I'm at in the year for future reference. Currently for dance, same ol' thing, math: we're working on a THICC-ass packet, one page a day, good work. Digital Art, just doing some projects right now, English: reading Othello, Econ: talking 'bout stocks and interest, and finally Chinese, with the same old same old.

        Now that we've got that outta the way, KDT practice today ended way too fucking early. We shot our rally audition video, by the way. It was supposed to be from 2:00 PM to 4:30 PM (as it was listed on the Facebook page schedule), but unfortunately, we finished by 3:30 PM, and so, I chilled around with the rest of the members who were there, until 5:00 PM, as that was what time I told my mom to pick me up at.

        With that time spent, I was able to get to know Rh and Jd more for they were the only other ones there who, were staying 'till 5:00 PM. We carried on our shenanigans from the L-building circle to the local milk tea place just around the corner. We reminisced some of our earlier moments in KDT. Good times, good times.

        As for the Kt situation, she's still holding my hand, still walking to and hugging from her classes. Some of the things she says is such obvious it's not even, eHHHH. For example, it's 11:50 PM right now, about half an hour ago she randomly said that she just watched a video and that video reminded her of a car accident that she was in. I'm thikning like "Oh dang. Now I'd feel really sorry, however I'm only feeling a little sorry, only because shit can't be trusted right now." She's like "Idk why I got cramp in my chest though. Usually  holding hands helps make it go away."

        And I'm thinking like "Now I ain't no doctor, but I'm pretty sure holding hands doesn't really relieve any of those pains." Searched up holding hands remedies, and nope, nothing came up, heh. Maybe for emotional, but probably not physical. Speaking of emotional, Kt's, from what I've heard and seen first-hand, has been having a rough time/ has been in some rought times. Like, her mom's nagging her on grades and shit and how she doesn't want her to do KDT, because of her grades.

        She has a 60% in math, a, C or something, some other, ehh, poor-ish, grades for her other subjects. And I understand that, I was, I mean I failed AP Bio (technically got through though because of the AP boost), and, almost failed Honors English before. On top of all that, she's gotta worry about secretly doing KDT stuff still, and, prep for prom, etc. And deal with me, heh. And after her "car accident" little story thing, I don't think she needs a roasting on top of what she has so far. And that was what I'm afraid of, like, what if she does something drastic? Who knows. Maybe she's acting like a snake 'cause of what she's going through? Maybe it's a third-party reason for it all, who knows.

        I wanna know though. To be honest, I'd rather help, than hit. Emotionally, hit, by the way. But uh, yeah. Friday, there's KDT practice and Red Velvet's "Russian Roulette" evaluations to be in the upcoming pride rally performance (if we get in), and uh, Supreme drop tomorrow. It's now 12:03 AM, see ya.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017 "Pi."

Tuesday, March 14, 2017
Week: 32
Songs to Remember: Girlfriend - Big Bang, Paradise - NCT 127

        Gotta love the bipolar weather with 70's and 80's this week, only for it to rain in the 60's next week.

        Also gotta love how I ain't getting much sleep. Now partially it ain't my fault, I, because of how I don't take my afternoon naps anymore, I take 'em at night, resulting in me, going to sleep at like 9:00 PM, and waking up at 11:00 PM to finish shit that I didn't even start. Like just this night. It's 1:31 AM, I took a nap from 10:00 PM to 11:00 PM, had to finish making two mixes (relatively short ones) for KDT, as well as finish math work.

        As for the day, shit's not giving me a break, heh. Apparently 15 minutes can turn into a "stay after school 'till 7:00 PM" and a dinner can turn into a "wait in line for 2 hours to get some discount pizza." I gotta say though, that was the most bomb pizza I've had in my life so far. So, the day was the usual, except that it was, fucking hot, considering the weather we've been having recently.

        After going from math class to the lockers with Jk, I traversed through to the block where Kt and Mp and their friends hang out. Kt was of course, happy to see me, considering I, I told her I'd date her after yesterday's shenanigans. We walked to her next class whilst holding hands (all not my idea btw). We hugged, and then I left. Again, not, not really feeling anything, and not making a big deal out of it all because I don't, I don't think of it as special, especially in these circumstances, heh. It's kinda just "eHHHH," sorta feeling.

        A short opinion on holding hands: shit ain't shit, heh. It's not something that's- it's not as special as you'd think. Basically you're just, visually showing to those around you "Hey look, I'm with somebody." Literally it. Anyways, after the hug and me trying to walk to my 3rd period, Jk confronts me and he's like "So, what was that all about, huh." I'm like "Oh my fucking- why did you recon the whole situation."

        After school was when things got spicy. Kt messaged me like, 15 minutes before 6th period ended, and I couldn't really respond 'cause we can't have our phones out in 6th period, at all. She meets up with me after school, she's like "Are you free after school?" and I'm like "I mean, I guess, for like 15 minutes." 'Cause ya know, my mom was already parked and waiting to pick me up. Had she messaged me earlier, maybe one period earlier, I could've told my mom not to come at all. However, I did end up staying for a lot longer than 15 minutes.

        Kt was like "Mp and I are gonna go eat dinner, you wanna come with." I'm like "Oh dinner. Sure, just, lemme ask my mom about it." And then blah blah, I'm staying 'till 7:00 PM to eat dinner with Kt and Mp. However, didn't really get to eat until I got home from it all. We went to this pizza place, this pizza place that specializes in pizza pies, because of course, today was "pi" day, and they had pizza pies on discount for only $3.14 (which is a steal considering the regular price is like, $11 for a pizza pie). We stood in line for like, 3 hours, which, turned out to be not really worth it, heh.

        A lot of hand-holding, a lot of poking, lots of head-on-shoulder action, all, were not my ideas, heh. Oh yeah, forgot to mention that, as me and Kt were going to meet up with Mp, Kb and his buddy were there, just leaving after getting books from their lockers. Kt and I were holding hands at this time and I'm just like "D-oh, shit." I really don't want bad shit between me and Kb, but, eHHHH. Timing couldn't have been any better.

        Anyways, we got our pizzas, picked up Kt's mom from work, dropped Mp home, and then I got dropped off home. And, Kt wanted to say hello to my mom, again. Long, long day, even longer with all the waiting. Tomorrow, I'm staying after school 'till like, 5:00 PM, because we are filming our audition video to be in the Trojan Olympics rally. You know, the pride rally before the night of like, a "battle of the classes" sorta thing event, at school. We'll soon be doing BlackPink's "Boombayah," BTS' "Fire," Red Velvet's "Russian Roulette," and the intro to Red Velvet's "Rookie."

        And just for clarification, Big Bang's "Girlfriend" is just a coincidence that it's added to the Precisely Refined OST now, not planned or scripted this time actually. And NCT 127's "Paradise," currently is the 1st song to be added in the fan voting for series end theme. It's now 1:56 AM, see ya

Monday, March 13, 2017 "Oh, my, god."

Monday, March 13, 2017

Week: 32

Songs to Remember: That's What I Like - Bruno Mars, Girlfriend - Big Bang, Take It (선택해) - MVP (엠브이피)

        My best remedy right now is sleep, because I've been awake for too long. I've STAYED WOKE FOR TOO LONG.

        Besides pointless school work (currently it is pointless, there's nothing much I can do, my grades have been stabilized for a while now), uhhh, there's some more shit going down. So besides the deadlines I've talked about yesterday, nothing much new.

        Except the fact that Kt asked me to date her, and it went a little something like this. She held my hand, we were side by side, near the under-stairs of the L-building, during KDT practice during break time, and, she was like "Wanna hear a joke?" I'm like "Sure I guess" and she's like "Knock knock" and I'm like "Who's there" and she's like "Date me." I was like "That did not sound like a very good joke."

        I'm just there thinking like "Oh, my, god" Kinda like how that one dad said in the movie "Big Fat Liar," when Marty was at the kid's birthday party. And I did proceed with caution, as always. I was like "Hmmm, gonna need some time to think about it." She's like "How long do you need" and I'm like "Hmm, gimme like an hour, or, maybe 'till 5:30 PM." Fortunately it worked out. It allowed me to recollect my thoughts, allowed my, my KDT buddies to express what they thought of everything, especially Rh, Ln, and Bp.

        I had, basically no determination in learning the dance today, just, just wanted to get home and, think it all out. During practice, however, because I told Kt that I needed time, apparently she got pissed about that, about that very rational request, and told Cc "What a dick. He said he needs time to think about it." And like, Cc told Ln and Bp and, like, and then they told me, and I'm just like "Oh, my, god."

        Usually I don't give a fuck what people call me, it's the reason, for calling me shit, that pisses me off. Kt's reason was just, absurd. I was really ready to go off on her. At home, i carefully compiled a nice, philosophical message of questions, asking why she would call such a positive person who has done nothing at all wrong, a dick." Luckily I did not go through with it all. I thought it all over, I talked to Cc about it (talked to her on Snap for like, the entire day basically, only because she's my only recon for this situation I'm in 'cause Kt trusts her and keeps on ranting to her about everything going between me and her, good or bad, so, it's Kt's fault that Cc's involved in all this, heh).

        And uh, decided that, the best possible outcome for anybody here, is for me to just, go with it. She's gonna break up with me eventually, there's no doubt about that. So, instead of creating catastrophe at this instant when things are still rocky, I'll just play along. The worst is that I get too attached and she pops me, but fortunately I ain't feeling shit right now, so, can't, can't really get hurt at what you can't feel.

        The series dance movie can really go either ways, or, any ways really, and, it's, it's my fault it's heading down this path. The path of, as my Discord fam says it, hit it and quit it. Not the ending I'd choose, but it's an ending nonetheless. Okay not ending, but, ending experience-ish. You get what I mean. I'd compare this to a uh, choose-your-own-adventure book. And I guess this is what I've chosen.

        You can call me a dramaqueen, I agree that I do stir up drama, although not as much as some other people that I know. And uh, yeah I deserve this I guess. I asked, I received. This'll just be a life lesson: YOU LOOKING FOR A HEART OF GOLD, DREW, OR YOU LOOKING TO HIT IT AND QUIT IT. Anyways, it's 11:03 PM and I really, really need sleep, because my eyes were closed for two periods today. And so, see ya.

Sunday, March 12, 2017 "Jam."

Sunday, March 12, 2017
Week: 31
Songs to Remember: OUTRO: WINGS - BTS

        Finally some time to reflect upon the shit that's been coming along, coming and going, appearing, happening, and so on.

        Shit's kinda, kinda been going down, heh. Not sure what to really say. Umm, things moving, moving fast outside of class, slow within, especially because, classes aren't my focus anymore, at least for right now. I'm not gonna slack off too too much, but I will slack off when shit ain't necessary for me to work.

        I got college forms to turn in (fuck you, IRS, for fucking me over with your useless call system and transcript identification pre-requisites), I got, prom services to manage/ schedule (corsages, boutonnieres, photo-shoots, transportation). I got, dances to learn, mixes to make, dances to teach, shows to perform. During spring break I'm hoping to get my driver's license on a whim, so as to not have my dad drive me from and to prom, or, anywhere else for that matter.

        And like, there's only 3 months left of school. So all that, fit into 3 months. It's, it's jam-packed. An update on my health: it's, it's going alright. My health improvement schedule is being circulated, being changed, will be improved upon this upcoming week with the delivery of a few more items. Ummm, but yeah, it's been going alright. Water drinking, I've, since conditioned myself to drink well enough, much more than i was about, a month and a half ago now.

        But yeah. Tomorrow there's KDT practice, we'll be learning MIN's "Shine Your Light," which is another Viet-pop song, meaning, the dance can't be too hard, right? Then uh, yeah, rest of everything's gonna hopefully not be too too crazy 'cause this week was just, a whole bag of jargon already. Also, new soundtrack tracks, finally, getting some new shit up in here. It's been a while and I've gotten sick of listening to the same shit over and over.

        Anyways, yeah, it's 12:23 AM, fuck daylight savings, see ya.

Saturday, March 11, 2017 "Paper Lights."

Saturday, March 11, 2017
Week: 31
Songs to Remember:

        Long story short, snuck out at 10:00 PM to play some pool with Dv and Ec. Then went to 7/11 to get some food, we came back to my place to watch Sausage Party as well as Face-time with Kt, which, it's 3:22 AM right now because of daylight savings. Fuck me, see ya.

Friday, March 10, 2017 "Boom."

Friday, March 10, 2017
Week: 31
Songs to Remember: Boom Boom - Seventeen, DayDay - BeWhy

        Okay, I'm definitely gonna have to re-fuel this weekend because I have been missing my sleeps for a while now.

        Today was just a few more L's, such as a math test, but that's okay. Not much else besides a lot of dancing, and a lot of boom booms. It worked out though, just, just a little tired. And hot. And sweaty. When I say that when and if I become a millionaire, the first thing i'ma spend my money on is an AC system for the dance room of my school, because godamn is it hot with 30+ people exerting heat.

        But yeah, nothing much else. Very tired, took a nap from like, 9:00 PM to now, which is like, 1:05 AM, of which, I will now go back to sleep. See ya.

Thursday, March 9, 2017 "Less Than a Feeling."

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Week: 31

Songs to Remember: Without U - Romeo (로미오), Beautiful Soul - Jesse McCartney

        I do admit that I was a bit dramatic in the last post, but that was because that WAS, all in the spur of the moment.

        Realizing a whole bunch of things at once, things, going so fast, it does make you think very unclearly. And I don't blame myself for it. Now if you've ever wondered how it feels to hold hands with a snake, you're out of luck 'cause I have never done that, nor do I think anyone has ever done that before considering snakes do not have hands.

        However, if snakes were to have hands, well holding them would feel very cold, or sometimes sweaty. I didn't feel anything by the way, nothing sentimental about it. I wasn't shaking, I wasn't thinking like "Oh shit, it's happening." No, this was more like a "Alright, what the fuck is she planning. Remember Drew, you're the dealer, not the player." So yeah in English, we did hold hands. She held hands with Mp too, but she also did it with me, especially after Mp left and we were walking back to her house.

        It started out with me asking a simple question, out of courtesy. "Hey, you said you wanted tutoring right? On Thursdays? Today's Thursday. You, want to me to come over or no?" And I guess, so, and Mp wanted to tag along too, which she did (thank goodness). Overall the whole day was just L's on L's, from Supreme to what I got wrong on my math quiz (stupid mistakes, I did everything right), to, guessing wrong and not knowing that the Econ test was today, as well Econ work due today (as I barely did any of it).  I know I did well on the test though so I ain't sweating it.

        Oh and the Chinese quiz too. Anyways, Mp dad's drove me, Kt, and her to this milk tea place, local milk tea place. We got milk tea and then walked to Kt's house (apparently it was walking distance of it). We went in her house, in her room, she changed into more "comfortable" clothing to practice dancing in (skimpy much). Her room was very, very K-Pop inspired. And cluttered, but still organized. And small. But hot-damn, there is a shit-ton of, of everything. We went out, walked to the local park, chose a nice spot to play some music and practice the dances we've learned so far.

        Still friends, by the way, still friends. I'm still not falling for any of the shit she's pulling. Any, anything. I make myself a shell whenever I'm holding hands with her so as to filter out the shit she's saying. I seriously do not know what goes on in her mind. I do know, that she has no remorse or empathy whatsoever. She bashed Kb continuously throughout the day. Apparently she didn't break up with him over text, rather she only told him that me and her are going to prom together. Only just today, did she approach him in person and break up with him.

        I think the whole manifesto project thing, I think it works. However, I don't think I'll go with exposing her in front of people thing. For starters, I'm scared of the repercussions that will affect her, rather than, informing others of her faulties. Like, considering her sanity is of less than, say, the average the person, there's not telling what she'll do. Secondly, even though the shit she's done is like, really bad, depression, is worse, and I don't wanna get her depressed, so I'll lay back on some of mean roastings.

        If it comes to me having to tell her all the faulties, if, my psychotherapy for her has yet to work, then, oh well. I feel she doesn't take responsibility for her actions, always blaming others for shitty things happening. She has never been fought back before. It's always been her being the dealer. Not sure if the stories about her being asked to prom before are true, but if they are, she said she was the one being asked, the-, the dealer basically. I'd compare this to like, rehabilitation. I'd rather have a murderer be rehabilitated into being a fair citizen in society rather than executing them. A little farfethed on comparisons here, heh, but you get what I mean.

        The question is, do people like these change. That's what we're gonna find out, on the next few episodes of, Precisely Refined. Anyways, there's KDT practice tomorrow and it's 2:08 AM. I just finished learning Seventeen's "Boom Boom," and am now cleaning up my room to go to bed. See ya.. 

Wednesday, March 8, 2017 "Say the Word."

Wednesday, March 8, 2017
Week: 31
Songs to Remember: WITHOUT U (니가 없는데) - Romeo (로미오), She's Mine - Joohee (주희), Beautiful Soul - Jesse McCartney

        "So yo, this is a real-ass problem and it should uh, be taken seriously. Okay?" - KYLE

        I risked it. I jumped the gun, I, I risked it for the biscuit and turns out, that biscuit tastes fucking SHIT. The snake theory's not only confirmed by a few people, but has been confirmed first-hand. I knew shit was kinda bootleg when a person, whom I never ever talk to at all until, like, a few days ago, shit-talks people that you trust, that you've known for a long, long time.

        You all know who I'm talking about: Kt. I have Cc confirm shit, she was like "Be careful." I was standing in line today for the prom tickets, long as fuck and as usual. Mt and Ln were there, as they were getting theirs too. Afterwards, Ln messaged me about Kt, telling me to be careful and to know what I'm getting myself into. DrewH told Jk, who told me she was a snake, of which I started forming the snake theory. Kb experienced firsthand her shittiness. She tore apart DrewH's and Kb's relationship. They're COUSINS for fuck's sake.

        DrewH warned Kb about Kt, but Kb told DrewH to essentially fuck off. DrewH unfriended him, and doesn't even go to his house anymore. And it does piss me off, that she's showing no remorse for shit like this. It's like a murderer walking free, after having massacred a whole city. It does piss me off, and I know shit ain't gonna last for me with her, and I guess what? Apparently I'm going to prom with her. It is going to suck.

        But it doesn't have to. We only bought the tickets, which were like $65. Money's replaceable. Friendships, are not. I told myself "Okay Drew, be cautious now. You're gonna be the dealer in this, not the player." And that's what I'ma do. Currently, she thinks of us as just friends, no dating just yet (she most likely will ask to date). Well when she does, or if it comes to me having to do it, I'll be the one breaking up with her. Cc and I have been discussing Kt for the past 2 hours, and it's, 8:55 PM. I've decided that, since I told Kt that I'll be giving her a promposal even after deciding everything, instead of a promposal, I'll expose her in front of everybody around her.

        Does a person change? Obviously for Kt, it does not since she been doing this shit for so long. Sources that I've gotten have told that she's been doing this since, High school. Middle school, apparently she was calm until like, a dude who she broke up with was a bit too clingy. I don't know the entirety of everything, I'm hoping I can delve deep into her past to get as much intel as possible, to see what's really going on, before I finally give her a taste of her own medicine.

        "What about the consequences?" What consequences? I'm graduating in 4 months. She doesn't know SHIT about me. What's there to expose? Hmm? You could try spreading some rumors but nobody gonna believe her, and that shit's gonna dissipate after the school-year's over anyways. There's nothing she can do. This is payback for Kb and DrewH. Kb did not deserve any of what he got, and DrewH, I feel sorry he has to distance himself from his own family for something that none of them were responsible for.

        And another important thing, I'm doing this for Atr, whom I should've asked to prom instead. Last night I was thinking so much. As corny as it sounds, it really was basically the lyrics ot Jesse McCartney's "Beautiful Soul." I've been searching for golden statues when I really should've looked for heart of golds instead. Friends, boyfriend/girlfreinds, doesn't matter. I just wanna spend prom night with the people who I care the most about. I do agree that it does sound corny, heh, and it does. But, what'd you expect for a series like this? Definitely not what I expected this series to come to, but as long as I make my mark, which I will, that's fine with me.

        So that's the plan, heh. Come up with a manifesto, break it down for her during lunch, move on to better things. And when I read this one again, or if my friends that I knew at this time reads this, I just want you to know that ya'll are good. Better friends than I can ever ask for to help me though these weird times of High school, heh.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017 "Black Box."

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Week: 31

Songs to Remember: YEAH - BLANC7, WITHOUT U - ROMEO, Bad Things - Machine Gun Kelly

        It's Tuesday. Only, Tuesday. It's also March 7th, only March 7th. I was expecting to go home today, and uh, I am, after a bit of, venturing. Now my schedule's filled, I'm making promises that might be a bit tight to keep, playing with fire, gaining much more info than I can use, and uh, it's 9:26 PM.

        So where do I start? Should I just sacrifice sleep for tonight and get as much done as possible before things start shaking? Well things are already moving but you get what I mean. Let's just recap with some intel from yesterday that I did not get to say. So, Kt and I were practicing right next to each other, she couldn't focus 'cause there was a lot of shit running through her mind and I don't blame her, it's certainly a lot. And, I couldn't really focus because what she was thinking, as well, planning and shit. And the teachers (no disrepect to Bp and Rh who were teaching) who were going a bit too much on the moves and less of overall reviewing.

        Kt was like "I'm thinking of breaking up with him blah blah blah," or something. And me, with my quick thinking, go "Why? What for?" and she's like- her reason for breaking up with him (or maybe one of the reasons) was, and I sorta quote: "He acts like I'm too good for him." And, ya know, I've heard A LOT of reasons for break-ups before, and uh, this is probably the most obscene one. I have never, ever heard something like this before. 'Cause like, I... what? Is it even fixable? Isn't, isn't it good that somebody upholds you so much? I don't know, maybe that shit pisses her off and she's tired of it. Everybody's preferences are different. I don't have the full full story, but so far it sounds kinda snake-y, continuing to add to the snake theory.

        She also said to go get milk tea on like, Thursday or something, so I was planning that. But today (disregard the rest of every single class, shit doesn't really matter anymore. I'ma be saying the same fucking thing every day like "digital art was the same, math was the usual." It's a given by now that my classes suck ass and are boring. Shit's about what's outside, now), shit got stirred up. For good, for bad, or for even worse. Jk and I were walking from our lockers during break to our table, like we usually do, and, I see Kt hanging out at the spot/benches located in front/in the general area of where we hang out at. I'm like "Hey" and she's like "Hey," and proceeds to ask me to go get free iHop pancakes ('cause today was national pancake day) with her and her buddies after school, like, today. I'm like "Uhhhh, sure. Can you give me a ride though?" and she was like "Yeah sure" so I was like "Alright, looks like I'm getting pancakes after school."

        Fast forward to lunch and, me and Ag were standing in line to get lunch. She mentions "So, what's with you and Kt?" and I'm like "Okay, what did she say." 'Course, Ag doesn't say shit, heh. Apparently Kt and Ag are in the same class for AP Psych 1st period. Umm, so that, I can deduce from that that Kt's been asking 'bout me or some shit. Fast forward to lunch, I'm eating at our table, aaand, Kt comes on over with Mp, you know, Mp, our mutual KDT friend. Kt's like "Hey do you wanna go to my house after getting pancakes?" It was just, so sudden. Like, first plans for dinner, then milk tea, then pancakes, and all-of-a-sudden-fam, move on to, going to her house.

        Very all of a sudden, heh. But uh, of course, I said yeah, and uh, it was settled. This, this probably, I don't know what I did to start all this. Probably from doing that fucking, dinner thing asking during the cast and I's KBBQ lunch. That was like a door opening slightly and she's like "peekaboo." But yeah, I was, the whole rest of the day I was waiting for school to end so I could go on this venture, see where it takes me. Turns out, it took me a lot more places than I thought. Ain't spoiling shit yet, at least not in this paragraph.

        I meet up with Kt and her buddies, which were one of Mp and Kt's mutual friends, whom, I think was in KDT for the VSA show. And, Mp. And her, and then there's me. Her dad drove all 4 of us to the local iHop, the same one where we ate during lunar show, and uh, we ate some free fucking pancakes, heh. Tasted just like, regular pancakes. Saw Jh there too, who, obviously came for free pancakes as well. The whole time she and I were getting closer and closer, for her at least. I was really just going along with everything, like, she's splashing water and I'm splashing back (metaphorically of course). Things were mellow, Mp shared our same sense of humor, etc.

        We drove to a park to think about where to go next. It was either her house, or, the park, or, Target, to, pick up shit. Very obscure place to go to. Apparently they've done this before as when we got to Target, Mp and their friend got straight into a shopping cart for Kt to push 'em around in like their 12, heh. It transferred to me pushing them around while Kt was leading the way (stil pulling the cart too though). We went to the different food aisles, consumables, house products, makeup, etc.

         One thing I do not like to talk about, nor do I ever really talk about, on here, is about my face. It's my lowest insecurity and when people bring it up, I, I just wanna brush it off. This time, we were in one of those beauty aisles, ya know, with the facial washes and the salicylic acid and shit, and, Kt asked me what products I used. Now normally I'd be extremely, extremely, uncomfortable about all of this, especially, in a place like this. But, considering that she's open to stuff about this, ain't uncomfortable about stuff like this, and is basically (in her view) almost the same situation as I am, I went along with it and showed that, yes, I am using a scheme, a schedule, of products, that I am trying to make things better for myself and my confidence.

        And, she does want me to get better. And I think, having the ability to support that, something I'm really insecure about but is offering to be open about it, that's, that's one of the redeeming qualities about her so far. The rest, well, you can judge that yourself. After Target, we were in the car and we were driving to go drop off Mp and then go pick up Kt's mom (her dad was driving btw). On the way, Kt was talking about, err, asking if I was going to prom. I was like "Hmmm, I don't know, not sure if I have anybody to go with." And in reality I had a... shit ton of options, heh, but I was testing the waters. I'm going with what this Reddit user said (I know, but hear me out first). He/she said that you want to show that you have interest, but don't chase. It's as if it's like a bull coming at you. Scary right? So what you do is you just show that you're interested, and if the other person is interested as well, they'll do something about it, even the littlest of things.

        There are rare cases that they are so fucking shy that they don't but, those are rare. Anyways, she said "You could go with me" and I was like "Do you wanna go?" Do you really wanna go? I'm all for it if you wanna go?" And the rest, is history. Mostly because I do not remember anything else she said. She said something 'bout the prom blow-out sale being tomorrow, and uh, yeah, it is tomorrow so that means we'll be waitjng a FUCK-TON long, of time. And, ya know, considering I wanna experience all the High school tropes, I, don't wanna have the prom asking be like "I was in her dad's car. She asked me if I was going. I said I wasn't sure who to go with, she said herself, I said okay. Like, sounds bland doesn't it? Sounds bootleg too, heh. So I told her I'd do like a promposal thing, just to spice shit up, even though we were going.

        She later asked me if we really were going and I was like "Yeah, as long as you're up for it." Oh and both her parents were in the car as they were driving me home. I know Kt doesn't really like her mom's attitude 'bout stuff lately, so, I tried to make myself all high-caliber and all that, buttering myself up as a nice, high-achieving student... which I am obviously not. Arriving at my house, Kt wanted to say high to my mom so, brought her in, she said hi, and yeah. Day was over. For now. She started asking me 'bout dresses and shit, like, I, I don't know much, but what I do know, is that the best I can do is give her sovereignty. I'll let her choose whatever dress she wants. And for the record, she ain't going with high-high heels, so uh, THANK THE LORD.

        She's almost my height, btw. If it weren't for my hair adding some inches, I don't know man. Anyways, forgot to mention 'bout snake theory. Right now, not sure who to trust anymore. Why? Well, Kt talked to me 'bout DrewH while we were at iHop. She said that he hated me (like what?) because I always hung out around Cc. He thought that I liked her, and uh, yeah. Apparently he "liked" her since sophomore year. And like, I could sorta see where he was coming from, but, me and Cc have pretty much been nothing more than just meme buddies. I never hang out with Cc except during KDT practices, and like, overall, I see DrewH on some days, especially day, and like, he didn't seem to have any bad blood with me at all.

        Probably because just today, he asked out Cc to prom, and of course, knowing Cc, she said yes. Jk was like "I saw DrewH with cakepops today. He's probably asking out Cc." And uh, yep. That was correct. What Kt also told me was that DrewH was a bit abusive? Like, he made Koby and whoever else make the prom poster for him, do uh, choreograph a dance for him to perform for Cc? I don't know. what to believe, that, doesn't sound like him. And I'm not sure anybody would just, ensnare manual labor like that on anybody for, just, a random reason.

        So it could just be Kt making me want to hate DrewH, but I understand him, and I've done, nothing, nothing to make him absolutely hate me, nor I don't think he's that type that would, make people work for him as if they were slaves. Sounds very, very unbelievable. I'm still cautious, don't worry, still keeping my grounds and keeping watch for more intel on the snake theory. Until more personal shit starts coming in, I uh, I'm keeping close to this snake theory as I can. And besides, she's been showing interest signs ever since, Lunar Show. And uh, she also described to me 'bout how she was asked not once but twice to prom during her sophomore year. And yeah, she turned both 'em down, only because she wanted to celebrate her birthday and her sister being home.

        I'm like "Holy fuck, is that rare." As you can see, she's definitely top-tier, and, only a very cautious fool would want to pass on something like this. I am uh, I am unfortunately not one of those. I am, however, cautious. Still waiting on the fool part. Oh and I also apparently signed up to tutor her in math on Thursdays, at her house, after school, for like an hour or shit. That's uh, that's, yeah, heh. This is definitely one of the most, most bizarre, trashy, messiest posts, I have ever written. But you know what? This is exactly what this series needs and wow, did the viewer count shoot up, like, holy shit. I know I'd wanna watch this. Even more so, I wanna watch and see what happens.

        Tomorrow there's a make-up test I gotta do for English, only gonna take 'bout 20 minutes, during lunch time. Also math quiz, and, math test, and, Econ quiz, and, buying prom tickets, and, tutoring at Kt's house, and, teaching Seventeen's "Boom Boom," which is apparently her favorite group  Also another redeemable quality 'bout her is that she likes a lot more groups than Atr. Or, more open, I should say, considering her Spotify playlist that she played in the car.

        Did I mention she was cold though? The one thing I was fearing this whole time, well, one of the things, was Kb's reaction to this whole thing. She said she'd be breaking up with him/ breaking the news to him tomorrow, but just about 5 minutes ago, she, she fucking messaged him about it. It's, it's 10:43 PM. She was like "Kb said it's fine. It went surprisingly smooth." I'm thinking like "Holy fuck, she just fucking broke up with him over text bruh. How fucking cold is that." I mean sure it's only been a month, but like, godamn. Jee, fucking, zus. I can only imagine Kb fucking, crying his eyes out dude, I'd, I'd do just the same.

        Holy. This is a, this ain't a snake we dealing with here. It's a Hila-monster, and dare I don't get bitten because, holy fuck. I replied "oooo, I mean alright." She was like "You can't take that back!!!!" I'm like "Take what back?" and she's like "That 'oooo'." I'm like "oooo" again and she's like "OMG pls, wdym by alright? Is there another motive?" And at this point, I'm fucking, I was about to get bitten and so I just brushed it off with "I'm like, 'alright, i was expecting it to be done tomorrow in person, but over text works too.'" She's like "Eh I thought I should just get it over with." I'm thinking like "This, this advanced, cold. This, this is sub-zero."

        I mean, tomorrow's in just, 10 hours. 10, fucking hours. And, she can't wait that long? Over text is as cold as can be, both metaphorically and physically. Metaphorically as in not taking it as serious to do it in person that you send it via an electronic message, and physically, with, not having the person be in front of you to see it happen, rather, just, holding a cold piece of metal in your hands with the words "it's over" or something on it.

        So it's 11:04 PM. And uh, apparently we AIN'T, I repeat, AIN'T. Or whatever. Kt said that Kb still "ships" us and I was like "Hopefully he supports us" and she hits me with the "wait what." I'm thinking like "Oooooooo fuck. Okay, apparently everything so far doesn't equate to dating, sooooo BACK IT UP." I was like "Hopefully he supports us going to prom together." And she's like "I'm still confused." I tried and change her train of thought, and, it worked thankfully. I was like "What does he mean by he sheips us?" and she was like "He thinks I liked you, even though I never talked to you." And that just, I needed a moment, to think, comprehend, what the fuck was all of this going on.

        So, wh-what are we? See ya.