Thursday, May 25, 2017 "It's Coming On."

Thursday, May 25, 2017
Week: 42
Songs to Remember: Redbone - Childish Gambino, Stars On 45 - Stars On 45

        Ya'll asked for it. I kinda asked for it myself. Although it is 11:41 PM, I'm not tired. Because this time, it's more emotional than it is physical feeling.

        In order to keep some integrity with this whole thing (or what's left anyways), I'll be keeping things honest and, unfiltered, so as to fully reflect upon, how I'm feeling right now. Today was a rather fun day. Minus doing nothing in Dance, nothing in math, nothing in Digital Art, listening in English, nothing in Econ, and taking the final (with assistance from built-in Google Translate) in Chinese, I enjoyed it. The stuff after, of course.

        I asked Ag to help me get my yearbook early after school, for there was a really, really long line when I got there. I went home and waited on Tm's reply if he would be willing to get his Fanime badge today with me. He was busy, and so I asked Ag. I asked Ag if she would be going for the weekend, and so far it's a yes from her parents, for both the hotel and the Fanime weekend. In fact, umm, after all the recent Fanime drama, I'm actually now comfortable with who I get to go to with.

        Because Jk's staying in our hotel room, and so is, Lw, and Ag, and maybe even Ek. I'm actually excited now for the Fanime weekend, heh. Excited may be the wrong word for it though. "Joyful sadness" may be a better, although that's, it's not really a word. It's sad because, although I know I'll be having the time of my life, spending it with people who've stuck with me for so long (in High school times, 2 full years is a lot), I know that it's going to be one of the last things we'll be spending time together, ever again.

        I mean, just spending time today, driving me and Ag to the convention center in 40-minute traffic,  to finding a place to park, to walking to the convention center from where we parked, to scrambling to find where we get our passes, to driving back, driving to get dinner with her friend, to driving everybody home and ending with me, late at night, driving by myself home after it all.

        And this whole realization finally hit me, only today, after all of that, along with Ag informing me about how Kt still talks shit about me. I know that people who do know me, know that what's she saying about me is very off. I inquired Ag about some of the details about the kind of shit she was saying, and that included her saying how I was shallow, how I broke up with her over text, how I'm thirsty as fuck for her, how, I wanted her for her body. And I know, that people who do know won't believe her on all the shit that she's saying. 'Cause all of it's pretty much off.

        This portion of this post was edited on June 3, 2017. I removed it because deep down I know that I hold true to myself and what I wrote down, was not true to myself. What I wrote down before was just putting myself down, and I didn't really believe it, so I removed it. This is probably the only edit I will or have ever done, to this caliber, to a past post.

        And I know that I said I'd never talk about her again, that I should not even care what she does, that I won't be dwelling on this all any longer. And I'm not, I'm not dwelling, seriously. I've been doing my own shit this whole time. I'm talking about this now because that's what sparked me to think about myself and what I was doing. It sparked me to think about all of this, to think about the people who've supported me over all this time, that they're going to be gone for a majority of the rest of my life, and maybe not even a majority, but forever. Spending time with Ag today and knowing that she's going to be a 4-hour drive away from me in a few months, it's hard to take in.

        Yes, luckily the cast and I will still be in the state. But keeping these memories over the course of time, unless we all really feel, cherish this bond enough to not forget about each other in the midst of moving on from this chapter in our lives, it's gonna be difficult. And even then, if we do agree, promise and cross our hearts to group up again to spend another adventure together, coordinating and finding the time for it is going to be difficult. Finding the time to meet up, it's not mental, and it's not emotional. It's something physical, and compared to emotional and mental things, changing the physicality of things is even more difficult or even impossible.

        So, yeah, that's how I feel about it all. I'll delve into this all a bit later, because I really need to work on this math project, heh. As well as hype myself up for the hotel stay with a majority of the cast this weekend for Fanime. Oh boy. It's 1:16 AM, see ya.