Wednesday, April 26, 2017 "Moving Ways."

Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Week: 38
Songs to Remember: Strange - MASC, Love Me Like You Do (Cover) - Topp Dogg

        One of the more major days of this whole craze. Umm. I don't want to get into the details of it all too much because if I do I'll just move more steps back.

        Basically, I've been making progress. Not a whole lot, but some, and by some, I mean, just the littlest of bit. Every time I think clearly and just, go with things for what they are, I move forward. I step forward. Steps, into the right direction, where I want to go, away from the past. But, every time my wanders, every time I end up thinking too much about things, ask for information on what's going on on the other end, or succumb to looking at social media for information myself, I move backwards.

        Currently it's been nothing but 2 steps forward and 1.99 steps backwards. But that 0.01 step forward, it's something. I think the time, the time that's passed, as well as the 5-HTP, have helped. I, I know for a fact that I'm not close to the lows as I was before. I'm, still feeling low, yeah, but not as bad as before. My mind recently has thought more rationally as well. It's usually thoughts that question, the motives, uh, of the other party. My mind can't wrap around that, it's just, so inconsistent, it doesn't make sense.

        However, I've tried to stop it from seeking out answers that will only contribute to me moving backwards. I've basically just, come to accept it that things are irrational from those standpoints, and leave it at that. Because that's one thing that's also helping me out right now too, the fact that, my mind, was thinking rational. -Ish, heh. I think the, the "better time than you" route really is working. I mean, I like it. It makes me feel stronger than before. Umm, and I've been interacting a lot more with people I never really interacted much with, like Hk and Sc in my dance class. This week so far, I do look forward to that, heh. Cc asked me what classes I looked forward to every day, and to be honest, there's none besides Dance.

        Only because, there are actually cool people in there whom I talk to, compared to my other classes, but you get what I mean. If you guys want an update on things, like, a refresh button, well there is something that happened, and I'm only talking about this because I know this won't move me backwards. This past week I've been taking pictures with Sc to, to spite you know who. Well, not sure if spite is the right word. You could say to make envious, jealous, uh, but, originally it was to show "Hey, look how fun I'm having with a cool person, like Sc." Today, yes, it was you know who's birthday.

        And, uh, last night, when I was asking Cc about the celebration, she said "If you don't get it now, you will." And, I kinda do. Everybody, could've guessed how today could've gone. The uh, hidden events, that probably happened. But back to what I was saying, I'm guessing she got sick of me shoving pictures of me and Sc down her throat that she un-added me from Snapchat. I'm like "So... that's how it's gonna be huh?" I'd say I got a different reaction to what I originally planned, but it's a reaction nonetheless.

        The thing is, if I were to even add her back again, uh, she probably won't accept it, heh. So now, I, I basically can keep Jk's promise now. Forever, because I can't look at you know who's Snapchat story, ever again, heh. And this is, moving forward, I am, uh, from that happening, moving forward. Some other things, to help me with that, from today, was, uh, I got lucky, a 2nd time, and won a reservation for the new all-white Yeezy 350 V2's. Which means, I'ma have to add San Francisco to our my cousin and I's trip on Saturday, so I can go pick 'em up.

        That's, about a $600 profit, if I choose to sell 'em. I gotta say, it revitalized my dying hobbies/interests of shoes and fashion. It was dying because stuff like this, I just felt it was all, uh what's the word? Like, monetary, uh, physical assets that only affect the outside, I can't think of it right now. I was more worried about what I had with me since I was born, rather than something that, doesn't really change my personality or whatever. No, real benefits. But with this win today, it just showed me that "So what? It's a fucking hobby, a fucking interest. It makes you, YOU, Drew." And you know what? I am right about that. I was into it, since the beginning of the year, and, there was no reason to stop it.

        I've said it before that letting things out, talking it out, having somebody listen, is much better than keeping things bunched up inside, and I believe it's true, only because I experience this multiple times recently. I figured I wanted some more, some more insight on my situation, what was happening, etc, what's with me and thinking with my head, heart, etc, and so, I'm planning to talk to my old AP Psychology teacher tomorrow after school or something. Now I don't think she's certified to give anybody like, professional advice, but, she's essentially a psychologist in my opinion, heh. She at least, can explain, why I think the way I do. Be able to rationalize it all for me.

        She also has a window into the situation, recent, situation, just a little bit, considering 1st contains, 2, including the guest of honor, ahem. So, hopefully I can get some new insight on this all. That's, about it for what I wanted to say on this mess. Tomorrow, there's uh, I got a talk with my teacher, an English test, some dances to learn (by some I mean a lot). Friday, my cousin's coming over, there's KDT practice as well. Saturday is the trip to two cities, a sneaker convention, as well as shopping for Sunday's KDT Key Club performance.

        I don't care much about the performance, I care more about the little "KDT Prom" thing we're having before the show, which is going to be just us dancing for fun to songs, to show off, whatever, etc. I've been meaning to show some dances and songs that I absolutely love. How do I know they're so good? I can't get sick of 'em. I'm still listening to one from back in season like what? Season 2 or 3 or something, of this series.

        I'm also going to be attempting to do something tomorrow, something I've always wanted to do, and that is to dye my hair. I'm not gonna lie, it is K-Pop inspired. But um, heh, this time it's for a reason. It's, symbolic for me, because it represents how I've changed, and how I want to change, I want to move forward too, and a cool way to start that is with a new image. Not just for others, but, for me, whenever I look in the mirror.

        Anyways, we'll see how things go for the rest of this week. It's 12:32 AM, see ya.