Week: 35
Songs to Remember: Plz Don't Be Sad - Highlight (하이라이트)
The past 24 hours I've been thinking with my heart and dick a bit too much still. I haven't been putting my head into it at all.
I've gotten this "break-up remorse" where it's like, you do miss the interactions, even if they were fake. Even though she was going to break-up with me eventually, or if she really was going to stay for the long-run (which I have now gotten that idea out of my head), it gave me comfort, game me security, somebody to fall back on, even if that person was kinda shitty.
I can kinda see now why Kb was still attached to Kt, even though it was obvious to him that she was shitty. Heart and dick take over and there's barely any room for thinking with your head. I just kept on reminding myself the 180 personality she had, as demonstrated from Cc's intel, that it was the best for me. She doesn't feel sad about it, she's been feeling like, mad about it, heh, because apparently so many people know about the whole break-up shit.
Jk knew it from El, who, I don't know where she got that from. Ek heard about it, and so did Lw. Even Ag knew, like, c'mon. I'm like "Godamn this shit spreads fast." And I know I haven't been spreading shit. Ln told me Kt mentioned it to her in class and I'm like "Yep, she is polluting the waters. But, I'm just gonna keep silent, shit's gonna die down because, for fuck's sake, there's nothing too dramatic about it all." And by polluting the waters, I mean stretching the extent of my actions/words out of proportion to make the shit I've done or said seem way worse than they actually appear to be.
My advice for rumors, even though I barely have any experience in being the main point of 'em, is to just keep quiet. Do not argue with brute force, and by that I mean outright deny false claims that you do know for a fact that they are false. You know the story, but to others, it's debatable. Argue using only logic and evidence, and keep the arguments quiet.
Spring break's, happening right now so it'll basically all be over once school comes back. Tomorrow though, that's something different. It's the VSA night-show, with practices starting at 3:30 PM with the show ending uhhh, some time late at night. We'll be eating at a restaurant afterwards, no iHop this time though, fortunately and unfortunately. I'll also be having driving lessons from 9:00 AM to 10:00 AM, so there's that.
Almost forgot to talk about today. Today was a short today, as it's the last school day before spring break. I was determined to talk to Cl about prom and, the chance that she'd go with me. I waited the whole day until 5th period. Fortunately for me, her 5th period is in the building right next to the door of my 5th period, so when that bell rang, you believe I ran. I was actually nervous, in a long time, about something like this. It did remind me of the thrills of previous seasons, previous series. It was like OG "So Don't be on with Her" suspense.
I caught sight of Cl, thought I lost her, found her again, went up to her and she greeted me with a "Hey Drew!" I was like "Hey Cl!" She was like "What class do you have next" and blah and blah. I'm like "Oh, Chinese at the portables" and she's like "Cool, I'll walk you there, hehehe." I never noticed her speech before but godamn does she laugh and giggle a lot. Which ain't bad, I mean I love laughing myself, heh. Anyways, we're walking and uh, I just, go on it. My younger self I think, would be pretty proud. He'd be like "Woah, how did you do that without sweating a gallon? Why's the threshold so slim now?"
I asked her if she was going to prom and she was like "Nope. Why, are you?" and I'm like "Yeah but..." and blah and blah. She wondered why I wasn't going with Kt and I told her a brief summary of what happened. I told her that, I was gonna ask her to prom initially. She giggled, umm, it's actually not because of me, she uh, she just giggles a lot. I'll get into that later. But uh, yeah she told me she ain't going to prom this year as she wants to save it for next year, for her to go all out and have fun with her friends, as last special thing. And after a few more hintings of "Heeeey, I wanna go to prom with you," she kept with her idea of saving it for her senior year, which is fine.
It's understandable. And uh, at home after getting off from school, I was thinking with my dick and heart for a while. I was like "What if...did I act too impulsively? Should I have saved the breakage 'till after prom? Fuck, fuck, fuck." I'm like "Again, when I was secure for a different experience at prom, I do something like this, I still manage to fuck it up." And still, typing about it, makes me kinda feel that way. Which is yea, it is stupid, and hypocritical on shit I've said. It's the reason why it all sounds stupid, because I haven't been thinking with my head.
That all took a complete 180 turn when I received a message from Cl about 45 minutes ago. I saw the "Hey" message from her and my fucking soul lit up. I was like "Ohhhhhh my. Thank you based god, thank you." I responded with "Hey Cl" and the next text she sent was "You're still going to prom for sure right lol?" and like, I was ready to scream, ready to jump out of my seat like "Drew...YEAHHHHH BOIIII." Unfortunately though, that was about it on the prom stuff. She just wanted to confirm that I was still going to prom.
The little nerves in my mind were all like "Did, was that it? Sheeeee, did not change her mind about prom. Huh, well that's, that was not part of the script." She and I continued to talk though, which her leading stuff before I took over. I was like "Okay, maybe we're onto something here. Alright Drew, dust off those 4 series of experience, and put it to work NOW." And that was what I did. And you know what I got? A lot of expression-less texts, and a lot of "hahahaha," which, I guess were to express her actual real-life giggles, but in text-form, heh.
I'm not saying she's boring, I'm just saying, I think hearing her messages be said in real-life is a lot better than reading them... especially the "hahahaha"'s. It's just, weird, heh. Like that right there, I add those "heh"'s at the end to represent chuckles, or positive/friendly/funny expression. I asked her one last time before I was left on read, reassuring that she ain't going to prom this year, and yea, I was reassured in her giggliy manner.
Now, there's two directions that I could head into for this prom manner. i could go the "go with your friends" route, but that only applies if ya'll are truly committed to doing everything at prom together. And we, kinda already do that on things, but the thing this, it's prom: there's nothing to do but talk, eat bootleg food, dance while watching others yike for fuck's sake. Or, I could go the desperation route and, just start asking. Now I would do it in person, but then if a person did say yes, they'd have one week to prep for prom, and uh, yeah, I don't think that shit would be happening, heh.
Which means, it's gotta be online, which, is not something I'd wanna do because to me, that'd seem like such a fucking scam, heh. "Hey how was your day? I know I don't talk to you much or ever, but uh, would you mind going to prom with me?" Just sounds bootleg to me, but if I do care for a new prom experience, that's what I gotta do. I gotta sacrifice my internet personality, for, yeah. I mean at this point, I got nothing to lose. Nothing. I know I've said it before, but this time. I really don't.
I don't know, I'll start planning stuff out tomorrow or something. For now, I just want some sleep. It's 11:00 PM, see ya.
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