Sunday, April 23, 2017 "No Peril."

Sunday, April 23, 2017
Week: 37
Songs to Remember: Easy Love - SF9, Danza Kuduro - Don Omar, Stay - Zedd, Chunky - Bruno Mars, I Don't Mind - Usher, I'm Not Gonna Teach (The Twelves Remix) - Black Kids, You Only Live Once - The Strokes, PICK ME 2 (나야 나) - Produce 101

        It is very difficult to put an experience into writing, because you need to describe every aspect of every detail, with, so much detail.

        But I will try my best. Was it a night to remember? No, I'd say I wouldn't want to remember it. Only because, there are going to be things that are going to be worth remembering more than last night. But also, because it'll always be carried within me, because I matured. I'll have that aspect be kept with me, for a very long time, heh.

        So 11:00 AM. I woke up, I'm, I was currently still in the facade of my social situation. Still had to live in it, play it, still. I could see that others were getting ready, or, were already up and about on Snapchat. Let me tell you something about Snapchat. I didn't realize it until a few days ago or something, but Snapchat is really just, social bragging. It might look like "Oh hey, here's a little snippet of what I'm doing currently," but in actuality, it's "Look at how much fun I, I (I can't capitalize or emphasize it any more), am having." Or "Look how I am going out and about in the world."

        If you are sitting at home, and you see all this shit, you're gonna think "Wow, my life uh, it's kinda sucking right now." Or maybe "Damn, wish I was there, or maybe even doing something to that." It is easy to create assumptions or make people assume things, due to how short these little snippets are. I mean, the max Snap currently can only be 10 seconds, so. And yeah, I have recently took advantage of this. Take that as you will. I'll delve deeper into this towards the end.

        But anyways, let's back to it. I'm still in that facade. Umm, Ek, Lw, and Jk were busy finishing some errands and whatever. They had planned to have pre-prom lunch at this one Korean food place at around 2:15 PM. I, had to keep up the facade for a bit longer as to make it more, eh, dramatic. I will say though, yeah, I am a drama queen. The media has dictated my scenarious thoughts (not a word by the way) into making everything have, meaning, to 'em. Or, or just add some excitement because to be honest, sitting at home after school for most days, you do get tired of it, it becomes bland, your mind looks for other means of adding differences/suspense to make things more interesting.

        Also I wasn't really in the mood to eat, so, the facade wasn't the only reason for me to not go. I was still trying to keep up the facade, add some more Snapchats to my story to bring up the suspense and drama. Pathetic? It's understandable, I can understand if it's seen like that. Attention-whoring? Yeah, that's understandable too. At this point, it seemed like I was not going to be able to go to prom, but in actuality, I, would really not wanna miss it. If I had decided not to go, either because of my facade or because I didn't feel like it, it would probably be an even bigger regret than what I already have on my belt, heh. I finished getting suited up, hair, etc around 4:00 PM. I messaged Jk what he was doing. We, it was originally planned for Ek and Lw, after the lunch, to go to their friend's house and the 4 of them would get their makeup done and whatever, while me and Jk would be at his house.

        So I asked him if I could hang out at hi house. He had just finished getting a haircut. He drove to my house, picked me up. Everything, from what I originally planned for all of this to go, it was going very different. It was all, unexpected so far, from the facade to, Jk picking me up. In fact, last, last night, I had so many dreams. Well, about 20% dreams, 80% nightmares, heh, because I did not know what was going to happen. I didn't know what to expect, and so my mind just, came up with and played every single scenario it could come up with. And, I think, I. From what I remember, I don't think any of those scenarios came true. The actual event went BEYOND, what I had envisioned. That's how unexpected it was.

        Back to reality, Jk was driving me to his house. Well actually, we were going to get milk tea. It was at the milk tea place near my house (walking distance of it), but uh, he wasn't going to get any, it was just for me. I wasn't actually gonna get milk tea either, heh, so, instead we just sat in his car for a bit. There was a lot of time to burn so. Parked in a parking lot, at like 4:00 PM, we were discussing what we thought. Umm, just a lot of stuff. I, never actually told him the whole story between me and Kt, and he wanted to know, so I told him, all of it, with the various point of views, etc. I told him about the oneitis thing and, he gave me some examples. He delved into his past, to help me. In his sophomore year, he basically went through what I, am going through still. And it did, give me a whole different perspective on it all. That was the start to, my maturing in this all, was this whole talk.

        After that, I was feeling pretty hungry, so, he drove me to In-n-Out. Also looking at it now, it fits in well with, my whole facade, for sympathy. I ate there, in my suit. Jk was not even dressed yet, he, he actually wasn't even dressed for outside streets either, heh. He had on a white t-shirt with a stain on it while I had on a suit and stylized hair. Not every day you see these two people eat together at an In-n-Out. It was a very big visual difference, heh. I ate, we talked a lot about everything, etc.

        Afterwards, we went to his house. He got dressed, played some games, talked, burned some time. Jk said he was actually disappointed when I might've not been able to go to prom because of my social situation (the facade). And, I didn't realize until after all of that, all of, last night, that, I couldn't just leave somebody who has given me nothing but reciprocation on my words, and has given me nothing but support. That's, I can't respect that any more than I already do. I'll get more into this later. Anyways, he was playing some "hype" music, which was just like fucking Naruto battle music, or the music you'd hear while making your move in fucking Final Fantasy tactics. Not necessarily my type of hype music, but, if it hypes him up, then alright.

        Around 7:00 PM did we leave. We Uber'd there, the dude drove a Jeep, so, hey, another thing to add to the list of unexpectedness, heh. Who would ever think to arrive to prom, in a Jeep? I saw a buddy of mine's there, from Dance class. The rest however, were very uh. It really was kinda like last year's, how there was that ghetto presence all around. That was because the other school that we were sharing our prom with, the one for delinquents, yeah, was there. It was mitigated though with the fact that our prom was in a tech museum (which, did provide some entertainment, but most importantly, atmosphere), and how there was comic-con, right next to us, heh. People from here were able to sneak-in, but only for a period of time before they got caught and were forced to leave.

        Jk and I waited in line, and waited. Ek and Lw and their two friends were nowhere to be seen. Check-in, no breathalyzer tests and no metal detectors this time, which was, unexpected. Maybe because it was just the tech museum and uh, the school's budget wasn't that, great, heh. Or something. Inside, was, way bigger, than I expected. Well, not necessarily bigger, but, there were more passageways and whatnot, than expected. The lighting was also a bit brighter than I had thought, but, that didn't make a difference in anything. Now the major difference, between this year's prom and last year's, was that the focus on this all was not the dance-floor actually, but, just the isolation of doing something, putting isolated focus on a task/exhibit, with another person or group.

        We got in at around 7:30 PM or so. It was yet to be crowded, people were just filling in, making calls, finding their friends, etc. Jk and I went to get an overview on it all. We started by heading upstairs (on an escalator) to the 2nd floor. We ran into our Chinese teacher, who was there. We then headed to the 3rd floor to see what was offered there as well. The 1st floor was like, dining, tables, relaxation, the earthquake simulator, as well as other science-interactive exhibits. The 2nd floor contained the dance floor/ room. It wasn't really out in the open, so that allowed a bit more privacy in terms of those who want to dance. 'Cause for most, it does seem awkward when you're dancing outside the, dance crowd, when you're in the outter-most of the crowd, because those around, who aren't dancing, are able to watch you. The third floor contained the majority of the cool exhibits, and above that, was the rooftop, which was open from 9:00 PM to 11:00 PM.

        Going around and down, we were able to run into some of our friends, majority though, were Jk's buddies, but still. I did run into Jb and Mt a few times, we took pictures. Umm, I also saw Tm, and, eventually we ran into Cc and DrewH. Also Vh and her date, uh, some others, Sc, Jv, etc. And DrewN and his ladyfriend. And yes, I did see Kt through-out the beginning and middle-end of it all. She was with the dude, the girl dude, the Junior, from KDT, for a bit. She (the girl dude), did come with a date, but, I guess Kt was hanging out with her for a bit. I was like "Hmm, so she doesn't really have a date, huh." I then saw her with another dude, this time it was one of those guys whom she took a picture with at the VSA show. And from the snapstreaks that she sends, he's also in her 1st period class.

        He ended up being her date for the night. Unconventional, I, know that she didn't have a date and fortunately for her, he went without one so, she just paired with him for it. I'll get into all this later. Anyways, back to the timeline, it was pretty much just Jk interacting and bringing along people whom he interacted more with. These two/three were not people who'd I interact with, or at least, 99% of the time. They were also guys, and uh, we were just, checking out fucking boring exhibits. More of the, more of the more boring exhibits on the 3rd floor. It wasn't until 8:30 PM, did Lw and Ek and their friends arrived.

        It was seriously seeming like Fanime 1 before they got there. I did not, want to spend prom just walking up and down the escalators between all the fucking floors and checking out Paint.net cells in an exhibit. When they finally arrived, uh, I think we just fucked around in some exhibits for a while. We also explored the place a bit, took pictures. Oh yeah and we also danced. Now in our circle of people, only me and Jk were really the professionals in this, having been to dances before. Lw and Ek and their friends (who were juniors by the way), were not experienced. Now, I was feeling sorta bummed out about things. Things were not going the way I wanted it to. The unexpectedness of things were both good and bad, and I was leaning more towards the bad. I wasn't really feeling the sensation, enjoyment, the realization had not hit my head yet that I was there, to have fun.

        It wasn't until, when we were dancing, the DJ played Don Omar's "Danza Kuduro" that I truly, felt alive. Because fucking, heh, literally 90% of the songs played, I could not understand. Yes, they were English, but only on occasions do I listen to English-lyric music, and so I don't know a majority of the songs played besides the mainstream songs that everybody has heard at least once. Currently that shit's like, Bruno Mars' current tracks like "Chunky" and "That's What I Like," or fucking, "Bad and Boujee," heh. Danza Kuduro basically saved me from drifting lower, for that time, anyways.

        After going hard and all out for that song, we took a break. We're sweaty and hot, we, took a break on the 1st floor, eating, getting water, etc. At this point we were sitting down, Lw and the others were eating. Jk was making convo with buddies he knew, and I was talking to DrewN. I asked him how things were going, he was, we were looking to yike, for the experience of course, his GF wasn't really comfortable with it so, maybe another time. I'll take a minute to talk about yiking. Now, I have never yiked, I uh, I do not think it's something everybody must experience in order to live life to the fullest. I also would prefer face-to-face dancing compared to, front-and-end-facing dancing. However, it is like, a High school staple, so yeah, it would've been nice to do so.

        It is, however, extremely difficult to pull off successfully. The two people need to be at the same wavelengths of, "freedom," or whatever. They must both be going/ feeling the same flow of the moment in order to, rub crotch and ass in front of others to musical rhythms, heh. That's my take on it anyways. It's not a life-long goal for me, it's just something to add to the High school experience. It's not, it's mandatory, it's supplementary, is what I mean.

        Anyways, after that little break, we headed to the rooftop to see what that was all about. I expected it to be like, a real nice view. No, just, I mean it felt pretty cooling after the heat and sweat and all that. Very refreshing, for the first like, 5 minutes out there. After though, it did get cold. I did have an under-shirt, my tuxedo shirt, and then my tuxedo blazer on top of that, and it still got cold, I still felt it, so, for girls with all their open-shoulder dresses, yeah, they, I don't think they'd survive, heh. The view sucked ass, you could only see the buildings like, across, as well as, of course, the night sky. the view downwards, you can't see anything. There was fencing all around, it wasn't even that big either, the rooftop. There was fencing, as well as more, roof, but you couldn't go past the fencing, so there wasn't to see. There was no way you could see the bottom of the buildings. Probably so that people can't jump down and if you were to run off past the fences to jump, they'd, catch you before you'd be able to jump or something.

        This was the lowest point for me, or, about close to. Because, this was where Kt was, with, that dude from the VSA show. And of course I didn't go over there to say hi, that'd just be like, fucking, whatever. When I had asked her, okay so I had this plan, I forgot to say this. Everything that happened yesterday was different from my expectations, literally everything. One of them, even before the dance, it was around 2:00 PM or something, where I asked Kt on Snapchat if she knew anybody who might've wanted to go to prom but was not as I was wanting to transfer my ticket to them as I was probably not going to be able to go, due to my social situation (the facade).

        My thought process was that she would of course, say no, which she did and then I'd reply with "Alright, thanks. And have fun at prom with, whoever you're going with," which I did. From that, I expected her to say and admit "Oh, I'm actually not going with anybody." I'd then be like "Why'd you tell me you were going with somebody then?" and then blah blah, I'd somehow be able to go with her. And uh, no, nope, heh, that was not the case, because after I said "and have fun at prom with, whoever you're going with," she said "Thanks!" I was like "That uh, that was not what I was expecting." I didn't, physically say or typed that, I thought it, by the way.

        But uh, just, seeing her there with that guy. Her arm, around his as if he was her date. Which, if it weren't for him going by himself, you know, it, you know what, I ain't gonna think about it. It's Kt, she'll find a way, somebody, regardless. There's- okay. What's the point of thinking what if? On shit that had already happened, of which, you even had no control over, huh, Drew? Just stop, okay. Just tell the viewers what you felt, what you saw, and keep going.

        Yeah I felt like shit, I felt jealous, I had flashbacks to and kept thinking "That could've been me, this whole thing could've been different," but fuck, it ain't, and it already passed, so, oh well. The cast saw that I was bummed out a bit. Jk talked with me on it, gave me some support. I had some moments of lament before we moved on to the earthquake simulator on the 3rd floor (also took a picture with my old Government class teacher on the 2nd floor, it was nice to see him again). We also ended up meeting with DrewH and Cc again. After riding the earthquake simulator twice, we rode it again, twice more, heh, along with Cc and DrewH.

        The earthquake simulator, by the way. Not as dramatic as you'd think, but it was cool nonetheless. The reason we rode it so many times was because there was nobody in line for it, and, we wanted to try the biggest magnitude of a real-life earthquake that they had, which was Hokaido, Japane, which was like an 8 or something, 9, 10, etc, I forgot. Cc and DrewH basically became a part of our group, because for the rest of that time, we just danced 'till the end of the whole thing. It was our group in a circle, Ek to my left, then their two friends, then Lw, Cc, DrewH, and Jk to my right. The song were kinda shit so, the dancing was only, we only went hard on a few times and that was when the beat dropped on a select few songs.

        I could see that Cc wasn't really into it. I don't blame her. This type of music wasn't really her type of music, and uh, I think she was just tired. I don't think dances are her thing. School dances, I mean. And also she was, physically tired. Like, Ek, Lw, their two friends, as well as Cc, they were all wearing heels. They ended up taking them off and adding them to the pile we had in the center of us, and just danced barefoot because their feet were, dying, heh.

        I made a mistake, one mistake, when we were on the rooftop, and you know what it was. I also made some mistakes, when we were all dancing to the end. Because at the same time, Kt entered in with her "date's" group. They danced, and, instead of focusing on my friends, who supported me on basically everything about me, cared about me, etc, I was focusing on Kt. What was going on through my mind? Here are some of the kind of thoughts I had. "Is she having fun with him? How is she dancing? How hard is she dancing? Have they yiked yet? Hopefully they don't yike. She doesn't look to be into yiking. She's on her phone. I think that means she's bored. Maybe this type of music ain't her thing either."

        Every, 15 seconds, I'd look on over to see how she was acting. I was dancing, not really, with to the music, for fun, with the people I was here with. But, if it was more, to, show, to Kt, but she didn't pay attention at all or I'm not even sure she knew I was there or wanted to anyways, and so I was basically dancing for myself, that I was having a better time than she was. I wanted to show her, that I was having a better time than she was. Was this really a bad thing? I'll delve deeper into this later. All the while, my boy, Jk, he was doing his best to stop me from making the same mistakes over and over again. I didn't know it before but when we were walking together at the end of the night, he told me so. And, I, can't thank him enough for all the effort he's put into me, into, helping me just, stay myself. My, true self.

        Once it hit midnight, the event was over. I was, I was planning to say hi to Kt when we were exiting. I positioned myself for it, but, Jk had me head with him outside to wait for Lw and Ek and the other two to get their stuff from the coat-check. I didn't the chance to thank him, for that. Outside, it was cold, and, we were just waiting. I see Kt walk with her friend, not her "date," but the one who sat behind me in Chinese. I waved, she, didn't see it or chose not to see it as she was probably calling her dad to pick her up. Her friend though, saw it, and nudged her about it. Jk could see it, that, you know, I still wasn't feeling myself.

        We waited a bit more until finally Ek and the others came out. It was around 12:20 AM now. I wanted to just walk around downtown at night, or, get milk tea. The closest milk tea place (which wasn't really close at all) closes at 1:00 AM, and, everywhere else was closed. They were tired, their, feet were dying. Umm, Jk wanted to go home, Ek and Lw were going to one of their friend' houses and then heading home. Uhh, Jk, he stuck with me. He had shit to do the morning of, such as Vietnamese school and, returning his rented tux. We walked around for a bit, we talked it over about everything that I've been thinking of, especially tonight. He did something that, shocked me more than it really should have, and that's up for debate. It all is. As we were walking, I looked onto Snapchat, I see Kt posted something on her story. I clicked on it, it was just a pic of her and her female friend together, Jk was like "Lemme see that."

        I thought he was going to look over her entire story but instead he went to her Snapchat profile and un-added her. My literal words and expression were "Wait what are you doing? Wait don't, no, no, no, no no!" And he un-added her from my Snapchat. I was like "What did you just do?" and he was like "It's for your own good." Now, the problem I have with blocking people on social media, is that, you're closing all doors. On the off-chance that the other parties have a change of mind and all that, they can't contact you anymore. It also shows signs of hatred, which, I do not have. And if she didn't remove me from Facebook, or stopped following me on Instagram, or un-added me from Snapchat, what's the reason for me to?

        At that point I was, I was in shock. There was no other way for me to get it back, one of, the main communication tools I had with her. It's different from shit like Facebook and Messenger. For Facebook, you gotta come across it, you gotta scroll to it, to things. For Messenger, that shit's just personal, old-fashioned texting. Well, you get what I mean, not old-fashioned, but, simple, plain messaging. Snapchat, there's levels to it. You can post to your story and people will look at it. The temptation to see what others are doing is very strong. Also, snapstreaks. That is a way to cleverly, like, what's the word? "Low-key," tell people what you're doing. "Inconspicuous," is a more accurate word, actually, there we go.

        Now, Jk explained to me about his past and how he had to do the same thing for him to get over his past GF. He, did give me some examples, of, some cringey stuff that a rational, logical, sound, -thinking person would not do. The circumstances are different yeah, but, the ideas are the complete same. I do not want to close out the doors forever though for what I feel. For him, he had to, and is fine with that. But, for me, I'm just tired of, I've been through closing doors, or, having doors closed upon me, and that just results in some fucking, stupid. Oh my god, okay, closing the doors is good, for when like, you'll never see each other and or interact, ever again. But in this case, I still have to, with KDT and all that, and, unecessary awkwardness in a club I love, it's, it's not necessary. I don't need that.

        To be honest, I do not know what's going on in her head. It's still a complete mystery to me, her ways of thinking. It's completely unpredictable, but also at the same time, predictable. I've, I've made myself predictable too. And because of all this, I just, I just need to put the waiting, not on my priority list, but as like, a side quest. In the midst of having fun, for example, that time spent having fun, also contributes to time waiting. Waiting for you may ask? Waiting on the off-chance that things turn out for well for me, with all this.

        Back to what I was saying, because I kept looking at Kt's snap stories, Jk un-added her from my profile. The reason why I was shocked was because 1: I had to re-add her, meaning she'd see that I sent her a request, giving her some thoughts like "Oh my god, I can't he un-added me and added me again," and 2: I did not know her Snapchat name, so, there was no other way for me to get it back. Jk suggested I need some distractions. Just, do stuff, which is harder than it sounds since everybody else is so busy. However, being the true friend he is, taking the time out of his own days, since I told him that I haven't played video-games for about 6+ months now, said he'll play Terraria with me. He also offered to get both of us gym memberships, and drive me there after school each day to just, work out.

        You can see the kind of person that he is, one that, is hard to come by. And I still, can't think him enough. We stopped at one side of the street, and called an Uber. Not home, but, to Burger King, 'cause I suggested ya know, at least one place to go before we headed home, because I did not want to go home. Prom lasts until 12:00 AM for a reason, and, I just, I don't wanna sleep with all these thoughts, I don't wanna be trapped by my own thoughts like the past 2 weeks. It's not fun, it's, scary even. It's draining. It's one of the reasons why I still say "I wanna go home," even when I'm sitting here in my chair in front of my PC.

        Our Uber dropped us off at Burger King. You'd think it'd be open 24/7, and you're correct. But we were wrong, because the door was locked, even though the lights were on. I'm thinking probably its not open 24/7 going into Sundays, or, the employees were just sleeping in the back and locked the doors. Fortunately for us, there was a McDonald's not too far from where we were, so we walked there. Mind you, this was like, 12:30 AM. This was going straight into my vision, my, one of my goals, which was to just walk at night in the empty streets. Luckily this ain't Chicago, heh. On the way there, we were walking on the bridge/overpass of our town, before I added Kt back (to my relief, I was able to get her Snapchat name with the feature of finding people through your contacts, and fortunately for me, we had exchanged numbers), and, I got a Snapchat from her. Which was, weird, considering how I un-added her. But, I guess it still works somehow, because our streak is still retained, as well the yellow heart. The yellow heart still shows even after all this time.

        I know for a fact that I don't snap her more often than I do my usual snapstreaks, so, I'm not sure why that's still there. And after, 2 weeks, it'd turn red, but, it's, it's still yellow. Maybe it's symbolic or something, or, whatever. Also, the snap that she sent was probably for streaks, but, it was a picture of her, it, it was the closest thing, the closest a pic of her it can get, that resembles those she used to send me. It was a pic of her with the words "Best night ever." And, that got me thinking with a bit of, competition in mind. It didn't make me feel sad, no. Did it make me angry? Okay, a little, but at that moment, I knew I could use it to my advantage. I'll be using Snapchat as a platform, to brag, which is what it's meant for. I'll be doing my best to show her, Kt, how much of a BETTER time I'm having than her.

        It's different from when I was exercising hard for those 3 days or so back in spring break. I was doing that, for her. And with this, bragging, trumping thing, it's not really bettering myself for her, it's more of, bettering myself, to show her, to show myself. Which is good, that, it'll bring positivity. It'll help garner and grow positivity, it, benefits me more than it does her really, heh. So there's that. We uh, I promised Jk that, I wouldn't look at her story anymore, in exchange for me adding her back, and that's a promise I'll keep, because, all the things that he has done for me and even wants to do for me, I, I can't turn my back on him, ever.

        On the way to McDonalds, we see that there's a Safeway nearby. I figured they'd have a better selection of stuff than McDonald's, so we went in there instead. I took a pee break, uhhh, we looked around. We were, I at least, was pretty fucking hungry. The only thing I ate there was a cookie, and, like, 1/8th of a Sprite. I didn't want to eat too much, because if I did, and I was jumping up and down during dancing, I would throw up, so, heh. But uh, we ended up with some Arizonas and chips and, a bag of gummy bears. From this point, we were walking to Jk's house. We, he, I, could've called an Uber, but, I, I wanted to make this all last more, and plus I never really get to walk around at night. So I walked with him to his house, which, in this town, ain't exactly very far away.

        He talked about how he, doesn't really care about girls anymore, how he hated girls, he, thought they were a waste of time, and just wanted to graduate to go to college already. One of his exact phrases was "I don't know when I'ma get a girlfriend again." And, that kinda surprised me, because I know for a fact that there ARE, a bunch of girls who do like him. I told him that I, I see it in him. I told him that he has the power of making the most of every conversation, he's, a conversationalist. He may not know it, but, I know it. Girls know it. He himself doesn't see that. I wanted to reassure him, that he has that power, that I do so want, heh. I am, yeah I am, jealous of that. He can do a lot with that. It's, it's even shown before, he's shown me it countless times before, and I always looked at it like "Man, I wish I could do that, but I always end up over-thinking, or not think enough and nothing comes out. I just want to hit that spot, that one spot in conversation, that's juuuust right."

        Umm, the rest of what we talked about, I kinda forgot. If you were to see us out in the streets, we'd, we'd look like as if we were a pair of drunk businessmen, heh. We reached his house faster than I thought, uh, and, I directed and setup a final cut thing for the credits to roll for his part. I walked in one direction while he walked in the opposite, then when we passed, we high-fived eachother. And yeah, heh, he went home, I began my walk back to my house. It wasn't as scary as you'd think, umm, okay well there were parts where I was kinda afraid that I would be targeted by some people driving around in the Safeway parking lot, but uh, ya know, it was very relaxing. It was me, in a tuxedo, walking around at 2:00 AM, it was cold, holding a bag of gummy bears, in empty streets (for the most part), stopping at certain points to message back Cc and Lw on my trip back home. And also waiting for some crosswalk signs to flash "walking" before I said "Fuck it" and walked regardless.

        I did make it back home, at around 2:30 AM. I cleaned up a bit, took off my tuxedo and changed, just, left it there on the floor (it still is on the floor as I'm typing this), and, sent my nightly snapstreak. I put it as "Bestest night ever and hey I'm not dead." You see what i did with the "bestest" part there? Yeah, heh, the first of many. So, what I want to say after all this, is that, we both, found a bit of ourselves that we didn't know we had. We helped each-other find that, that, reassurance. I reassured him that, he has potential and skills he doesn't think he has, while he reassured me, that if I were to continue this state of mind that I have right now, I'm fucking go insane, and people will think I'm insane, and it'll be too out of their control to even help me anymore. Because right now, that's what they're doing, they're helping me.

        I've always wanted to help people, and in this past month, I, was the one getting help. I, cannot thank Jk, I can't thank Cc, I can't thank the cast, I can't thank everybody else enough. I will try to stop these revolutions, these, thoughts, that, revolve around somebody else. 'Cause this ain't you, Drew, this ain't you.

        There could've been many bad endings and many good endings for this movie. Out of all the possible good endings for this movie  though, this was one of them. That whole night, everything I had expected, it all went unexpected. Every single thing. I expected things to go really good at one point. I also expected things to take a turn for the worse and end up shit, and boring. Instead, you what happened? It turned out okay. And that is, what people ask me, because they care about me. And that is, what I want to be. I want be okay. It's 11:01 PM, this is probably my longest post to date as of April 23rd. See ya.