Thursday, March 23, 2017 "Eyes Closed."

Thursday, March 23, 2017
Week: 33
Songs to Remember: BODY - MINO, FXXK IT - BIGBANG, Adore U - Seventeen, BEST OF 2015- K-POP MEGA MASH-UP - SHIMMixes

        If a younger version of myself, maybe even like, just three years younger, were to see me today, I'm pretty sure he'd be like "Damn!" And I really would too.

        Now that's just surface, just, seeing the view of it all. If a younger version of myself were to see the context, maybe he wouldn't be so eager or excited. From what happened today, I do consider myself lucky, in some terms, but unlucky in others. What has happened so far between me and Kt, from my perspective at least, and I'm being completely honest here, is, is just, it's just lust. I don't feel too much of the emotional connection that I have had for other people.

        And it's not say that physical interactions don't build emotions, they do. But for me, even with that, in the end it's more lust than it is love. Could be many reasons why I'm not feeling it as strongly as for other past people. Could be that she's the one leading (in terms of pace). Could be, could be that it's just going too fast. To put time into perspective, we mutually agreed to go to prom on March 7th. She asked me out on March 10th. Today is the 23rd, and still March, meaning, almost three weeks since we've actually done anything close together (I don't KASA show really counted 'cause there wasn't shit but an open-door of temptation and knee-touching).

        It's barely been three weeks and we've already gotten to extremely suggestive make-out cuddle sessions. Oh yeah, didn't get into that part yet. Also, forgot to mention the promposal. It's, there's just so much that's been happening I can't even keep track anymore. Let's just start with the promposal 'cause it's more easier to manage, and describe. I was carrying a rolled-up promposal poster with a bag inside a bag full of Seventeen albums from 1st to 2nd period. I messaged my buddy Jk to help out a bit with the surprise factor, because I think that's what makes up, 50% of a promposal, is the surprise factor. When the 2nd period bell rang for break, I booked it to the side and met up with Jk. The plan was for me to go up to Kt to tell her to hold my bag of Seventeen albums. She'll be wondering what the heck is in the bag, Jk will follow me from 15 feet away, hand me the poster, I hold it up and yaaaay, promposal.

        When I went to her usual hangout place, she wasn't there. I was like "Shieeeet. Alright Jk, just, just hold onto the poster." Kt arrives, she was, she was in the middle of the green where the freshmen were hanging out. She comes up to me like "I was looking for you, I was like 'My boyfriend is missing.'" I hand her the bag, I was like "Can you hold this for me for a sec," I hand her the bag, Jk comes up from behind her to hand me the poster, I show it in its full corny glory, and uh, well, she, she stood there, hands over her mouth 'cause she'd risk snapping her braces' rubberbands if she smiled too hard. I was waiting, I was waiting, people were looking, in my mind I was like "eHHHHHHHHH, c'mon, I uh, not sure what to do here." I was like "Will you go to prom with me?" and she knodded and we hugged, people cheered, and uh, that was it.

        And a kiss on the cheek. Apparently it was a high-traffic area 'cause many people saw. Time to cross this off my list, heh. Not exactly what I envisioned, but it worked out. What worried me was that I was hoping Kb wouldn't see it all considering her hangs out in the middle of the green with his buddies sometimes. But uh, according to sources from Ln and from Kt, he did see it, and uh, he looked pretty bummed. I was like "Fuck man, now that makes me depressed." Is there anything wrong with dating a dude's girl after they broke up? No, not at all. Is there something wrong when you, you kinda know 'em personally and you're now dating his girl? Kinda. Is there something wrong with, dating a girl and showing it un-willingly on almost a daily basis in peripheral vision of the dude? Yeah.

        I do feel like I betrayed him. I was like "Oh, I'ma roast the shit outta her. Sorry for what she did fam, I feel bad for you." I feel like I lost the respect of some of those around me for keeping this shtick up, but I'm in too deep now. The only way out is for her to break-up with me, and, with her talking 'bout how I'm planning on visiting her when I'm in college, I'm not even sure if that's possible. But judging from building just, lust so far, rather than love (from my perspective that is), it's, it's bound to collapse, and when it does, I won't feel bad. I won't feel anything.

        The amount of experience I've gained so far has been tremendous that, if she were to break up with me and I'd have to start back from square one, I'd have no trouble doing so. All I'ma say is this: the amount of self-esteem she has helped me raise of my own has been higher than it has ever been in my life. And with that, I'll be able to transcend over any gaps if shit goes wrong. I'd be like "Okay, I got this. Drew, you know what to do."

        Alright now let's get into the part you're all wondering about. "Making out? Do tell, Drew, do tell." First off, just wanna warn that it is gonna be kinda PG-13. Probably as suggestive as it's gonna get, without clothes being taken off. Err, revealing too much, I should say. Not gonna lie, what I'ma describe will most likely sound like a nasty-ass fanfiction, heh, I'm sorry. But, that's, for shit like this, especially when it's a first, I'm obligated to describe it in its entirety, and that is to help.

        Now that that's outta the way, let's get on with it. I've watched a lot of media, a lot of coming-of-age films and shows, and this has certainly been just like one of those scripts. Not even kidding, it's just a scene from it, ripped out from the bindings of the pages, and inserted me and Kt into the cast list. After school, Kt and I walked from where we usually were to the back of the school for my mom to pick us up. A miscommunicated text made it so that we had to wait a bit for my mom to arrive to pick us up.

        It wasn't that hot today, it was pretty mild actually, but Kt was feeling a bit warm because apparently she had two pairs of pants on. I was like "Two pairs of pants? I haven't doubled up in pants since winter-time. That shit was cold as fuck." This just built into the uh, this just foreshadowed that she would be, taking 'em off. Taking off the FIRST pair only, leaving on the second pair of course. We got to my house, we go into my room, it starts out slow. I'm like "This is it. Here's my closet, my desk. My bed."

        I was busy setting up the laptop to the TV monitor so we could watch "Strong Woman Do Bong Soon," this comedy K-drama, while she was busy opening up the Seventeen K-Pop albums I got her. I finally got the site to work, we hop on my bed, SITTING, and watching the first episode, whilst cuddling and the usual, kiss and whatnot. About 20 minutes into the episode, things got sorta, heated. She kisses me and she keeps going, and going, and in my mind I'm like, "Oh shit, this is a uh, this what you'd call 'making out,' right?"

        Further down the line of watching the 1st episode, it transitioned to cuddling whilst lying on my bed, with the covers pulled over our legs (her idea). So we're laying there, feeling each-other up, nothing too too harsh by the way, and uh the occasional short-period, 10 to maybe, 30-second make-out session, before she takes a calm rest on my chest or we continue watching the show. I'm already feeling, I'm already feeling fucking oo-ey from writing all of this, heh, believe me, I do NOT want to be writing this.

        There was a point where the make-out session of just kissing turned into, some french-kissing. When I felt that tongue, I was like "...d-oh oh my god, that is a tongue. Alright, guess we're going into french-kissing now." Luckily we're both comfortable with pretty much everything because this shit would not happen with anybody else, at least, within the first few weeks, heh, that's for sure.

        By the way, I've never been a part of any make-out sessions before, let alone french-kiss, so, of course this was all new to me. Especially the kissing. It went from, like, "pecks," to, I don't know what you'd call it. Sucking the faces off of each-other, or, vacuum-action, or whatever, heh, on the lips. The best way I'd describe it is puckering your lips but not too much, then opening and closing them like if you were fake-chewing, and then adding some vacuum-suction action into that. Eyes closed too, remember that. That's, that's what it is. Looks a lot more complicated in movies, and now that I know how it's done, it's nothing really that special, heh.

        From this, it moved on to positions. Instead of side-by side, it was leg over leg, and then the next the thing I knew, she was on top of me. Never feared my parents barging into my room than at a time like this, I'll tell ya what. It was just make-out sessions from there, with breaks, she was still on top of me. I was like holding her waist really for most of the time, and then I was thinking like "Is this I go from wait to ass, I think she's comfortable with ass." And yep, she was. And those, that pair of pants was pretty, pretty thin, because I could feel her panties through 'em. Again, SORRY, for the too graphic, descriptive text, it's, it's euuugh, heh. Should not be writing this.

        In fact, it was apparently intentional because she asked me on messenger after we drove her home. She was like "Wait did you feel my underwear?" I'm thinking like "Okay Drew, play it safe. You know it's a 50/50 chance on either she wanted you to feel 'em, or checking if you a fucking perv. GO THE SAFE ROUTE." And so I said "uh nope." "That's weird ok. You should have been able to. Oh well." I'm thinking like "... FUUUUUUUCK, what the fuck is going on, this is literal word-for-word of a coming-of-age script, what is this." I reverse it and say "Oh then yeah I did. I was like 'Does she want me to feel her underwear?' LOL" "I REALIZED YOU CAN FEEL IT THROUGH THESE LEGGINGS. I dressed like this on purpose TBH. And it's comfy *^*"

        Actual messenger quote. Still kinda in disbelief 'cause this shit is pretty much right out of a movie. Very rarely does 3 weeks of comfortability create this level of convo, if you can even call it a convo. My younger self would have a hard time believing this shit would happen, well, based on the circumstances. And that is why I gotta say that I really am growing up way too fast. This year, just, from Fall 2016 to now, I've done, so many things. So many firsts, both good and bad.

        And as quoting nognig, she did feel  slam her fucking hand down on my penor. Okay, didn't really slam, but, she put it there. And if shit ain't, I don't know what. Again, sorry for the PG-13 raiting for this episode, it wasn't what I expecting. Nothing too good, but nothing bad either. Also word of advice: anytime a girl is gonna be arriving to your house, with, the uh notion that shit might go down, just be ready. As in, completely hygienic, and comfortable. I was, you could definitely say I was not ready, heh. Anyways, no work due tomorrow really so, I could take a break for now (you deserve it Drew). It's 11:58 PM, see ya.

EDIT: Forgot to post this pic