Thursday, March 9, 2017 "Less Than a Feeling."

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Week: 31

Songs to Remember: Without U - Romeo (로미오), Beautiful Soul - Jesse McCartney

        I do admit that I was a bit dramatic in the last post, but that was because that WAS, all in the spur of the moment.

        Realizing a whole bunch of things at once, things, going so fast, it does make you think very unclearly. And I don't blame myself for it. Now if you've ever wondered how it feels to hold hands with a snake, you're out of luck 'cause I have never done that, nor do I think anyone has ever done that before considering snakes do not have hands.

        However, if snakes were to have hands, well holding them would feel very cold, or sometimes sweaty. I didn't feel anything by the way, nothing sentimental about it. I wasn't shaking, I wasn't thinking like "Oh shit, it's happening." No, this was more like a "Alright, what the fuck is she planning. Remember Drew, you're the dealer, not the player." So yeah in English, we did hold hands. She held hands with Mp too, but she also did it with me, especially after Mp left and we were walking back to her house.

        It started out with me asking a simple question, out of courtesy. "Hey, you said you wanted tutoring right? On Thursdays? Today's Thursday. You, want to me to come over or no?" And I guess, so, and Mp wanted to tag along too, which she did (thank goodness). Overall the whole day was just L's on L's, from Supreme to what I got wrong on my math quiz (stupid mistakes, I did everything right), to, guessing wrong and not knowing that the Econ test was today, as well Econ work due today (as I barely did any of it).  I know I did well on the test though so I ain't sweating it.

        Oh and the Chinese quiz too. Anyways, Mp dad's drove me, Kt, and her to this milk tea place, local milk tea place. We got milk tea and then walked to Kt's house (apparently it was walking distance of it). We went in her house, in her room, she changed into more "comfortable" clothing to practice dancing in (skimpy much). Her room was very, very K-Pop inspired. And cluttered, but still organized. And small. But hot-damn, there is a shit-ton of, of everything. We went out, walked to the local park, chose a nice spot to play some music and practice the dances we've learned so far.

        Still friends, by the way, still friends. I'm still not falling for any of the shit she's pulling. Any, anything. I make myself a shell whenever I'm holding hands with her so as to filter out the shit she's saying. I seriously do not know what goes on in her mind. I do know, that she has no remorse or empathy whatsoever. She bashed Kb continuously throughout the day. Apparently she didn't break up with him over text, rather she only told him that me and her are going to prom together. Only just today, did she approach him in person and break up with him.

        I think the whole manifesto project thing, I think it works. However, I don't think I'll go with exposing her in front of people thing. For starters, I'm scared of the repercussions that will affect her, rather than, informing others of her faulties. Like, considering her sanity is of less than, say, the average the person, there's not telling what she'll do. Secondly, even though the shit she's done is like, really bad, depression, is worse, and I don't wanna get her depressed, so I'll lay back on some of mean roastings.

        If it comes to me having to tell her all the faulties, if, my psychotherapy for her has yet to work, then, oh well. I feel she doesn't take responsibility for her actions, always blaming others for shitty things happening. She has never been fought back before. It's always been her being the dealer. Not sure if the stories about her being asked to prom before are true, but if they are, she said she was the one being asked, the-, the dealer basically. I'd compare this to like, rehabilitation. I'd rather have a murderer be rehabilitated into being a fair citizen in society rather than executing them. A little farfethed on comparisons here, heh, but you get what I mean.

        The question is, do people like these change. That's what we're gonna find out, on the next few episodes of, Precisely Refined. Anyways, there's KDT practice tomorrow and it's 2:08 AM. I just finished learning Seventeen's "Boom Boom," and am now cleaning up my room to go to bed. See ya..