Friday, October 17, 2014 "Walked With Another Dude."

Friday, October 17, 2014
Week: 9
Songs to Remember: Hard to Explain - The Strokes, I Hate Seoul - 2000Won

        My buddy tells me to be confident and to not be afraid of rejection. I think about and it I'm like "Wait, what do I got to lose?" I could seriously be as normal as I can be and there wouldn't be any consequences. Much. Really. So this is how season 9 ends.

        World History was boring, we just did what we did yesterday. English was the same. During break time I tried to see if El was hanging out at her usual spot and she wasn't. I looked around and I couldn't really find her. I didn't even see her walking her usual route to her 3rd period class. So, in chemistry, we had a lab today. Because we're currently studying atomic theory, we did a lab based on calculating average atmoic mass and stuff, but, using candy.

        Oh boy, we used M&M's, Peanut Butter M&M's, Mike 'n' Ikes, Peanut M&M's, and Skittles. There were all mixed together and we had to separate em', count em, weigh each type, and then calculate atomic mass and stuff for the fictional element, "Candium". After we were finished, we got to eat the candy and take em' hone. It was partners labs by the way, so of course my partner's Yue. By this time, Yue and I are ehhh. I mean, I wish the atmosphere could go back to the beginning week of school, now that was an experience that's probably never gonna happen to me ever again.

        Yn's alright as well. She and I talk as we go my route to my 4th period. Her expressions make it seem like she's really into what I'm talking about. Now why can't more people have their expressions be like Yn's? P.E was okay. My buddy tells me that I gotta get buffer and that'll increase my confidence a bit. I agree, I mean, I could use a bit of a bigger, eh, stature. I'm only 5'4" and weigh 110 lb so, I need to be at least partially buff. And also for me to, as my buddy had said it, to "beat his ass". He as in Rc.

        During lunch I went straight to El's hangout spot and I was there for a couple minutes, having to bear the obnoxious music that these dudes next to me were blasting. Then I went around trying to see if she's hanging out with Rc or whatever. I don't see her, so I go back to her spot and I'm like "Wait, did I check behind the staircase part of the building" aaand of course, El is sitting there enjoying her lunch, and no Rc in sight. That's a good sign. I sit down and try to interact with her as much as possible. It's going good right? Haha, not during the season finale. I choke on the salad from my sandwhich, aaand it took me several seconds to be able to maintain my composure again.

        El was like "Are you okay?" and I'm like "Yeah, just choked a bit but I'm fine". Then after, her friend was talking about helping T.A (teacher assistant. He said "T.A" as a verb to describe assisting a teacher) and stuff. And the next thing I know, El and him leaves into the darkness of the bottom floor of the L building. And well, they never really came back. So I'm just like "F***, what a great season finale this is". I then remember a song from The Strokes, the song being "Hard to Explain", and I'm like "Yeah, that fits". Things were going pretty s****y. Just last week I was fine, but this week, s***'s going on between me and El.

        So umm, 5th period trig was okay. I tried looking for that one girl (or guy, hopefully a girl and not a guy) who asked me on ask.fm to "try to look for her". I realized how small the class really was, I think it was just the size of the classroom. Very cramped. Several girls I ruled out as being the person since, well, I know them and I know that they'd never ask me that on ask.fm, or they don't even know me at all. I'm not sure if it's like the person next to me, or like across the classroom or a person who has good sight on me so they'd know I'm quiet in the class. I was deciding whether I should just ask random girls in the class "Hey, what's your name? Are you he person who asked me a question?"

        But then I was like "Ehhh". Now that I think about it, what do I have to lose. I hate almost everyone in the class, don't really care about em', don't even talk to em', don't even know em' so there wouldn't be any downsides to just ask. And why do they not just give me their name? It's not like I even know who is "blank". Anyways, I gotta study hardy this weekend. Chinese class was pretty, lack luster. El's not necessarily enthusiastic anymore in what I have to say. We just used the Chromebookto finish our Blendspace collaboration for the lesson, as well as our Movenote presentations. You could search up Blendspace and Move note and find out what they are.

        At the end of class, I was expecting to walk with El again along our route so I could maybe, I don't know, ask her to go hangout tomorrow to something, I don't know. Just, whatever, anything. At least I'll be asking her something. But today she went out the classroom, following behind Rc and this time, she didn't wait for me. She just made it out the classroom and when I got out the door, I don't even see her at all. Whenever El walks home, she walks right along the sidewak. Next to our classroom is the parking lot and there's a gate that leads right out the school, along that sidewalk. Rc goes home that way and today El probably went that way too with him.

        So I'm walking by myself and I'm thinking "I lost". I get it. Just kidding, I don't get it. Whenever stuff like this happens, I often feel sorry for other people. I don't know why. I feel like apologizing to El for even, I don't know, knowing her in the first place. And I know that apologizing won't do anything and that it'll only maiebthings worse. Its not El's fault that's making me feel bad. Actually, El doesn't even know what she's doing to me. She know idea that what she's interacting with Rc makes me feel pretty bad. It makes me feel like I'm not a close friend anymore. Or was I even a close friend in the first place?

        I could just ignore everything and just let it all play out, resulting in Rc and El getting together. Or, I could try to hardest to do something about it and have my will struggle to keep to up, even though Rc's jot even trying and El's falling hard for 'im. Do I need to talk to El about this? I don't know if that helps. I'm undergoing a constant argument in my mind, with consciences fighting over what they want me to do. What do I do? Maybe I just need to be myself. Maybe I just need to remove the fact that it's El. I could just think to myself that instead of El, I'm just talking to my buddy. And stories, I'm good at telling stories right? I could just do what I do best and tell stories. If I'm not interesting enough, hopefully my stories will be.

        In reality, I'm not sure if it's this complicated or not as I make it to be. I just gotta remind myself "What so I have to lose? Just let loose". So yeah, that was the season finale. My buddy As has to study and do projects so he wasn't going to the KDT dance today. He didn't go so I didn't either. I just wanted to go home and not be near school for another couple days. I don't even know if I wanna hangout at El's spot anymore. Pains me to be there with the thought in the back of my mind "Hey, she could be hanging out with that one guy".

        Anyways, I gotta get El a present. Probably gonna get like a Pikachu plush along with a drawing pad or something. Hopefully she doesn't own one already. Oh and uh, she's never really online on Facenovel so I can't necessarily message her. I could call her, I mean, I have her phone number from that birthday invite she gave me. Old-school it and talk on the phone. That reminds me. Actually that shouldn't remind me, 'cause I never talked to a girl over the phone before. Well, this'll be a first. I also need to study. I also need to finish work. See you tomorrow I guess.