Tuesday, August 5, 2014 "I'm An Underachiever."

Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Week: Summer
Songs to Remember: Good Bye Bye - Nu'est

        Oh my god, do I feel hot (and not in terms of attractiveness) and it's only 72 degrees. Why? I look at my classes and I'm just like "F***".

        With a lot of people at my school talking about and posting pictures of their schedules and how they're in all these advanced classes, I feel like I'm underachiever, just 'cause I picked mostly easy classes and not "Honors Chemistry" or "English 2A" like everyone else. Everyone's gonna be in those classes and I'll just be myself with people who are most likely will be below my intellect level. Is that the right word? Or should I say IQ? You see, I'm drawing blank here 'cause I'm feeling down.

        I mean it kinda was my fault that I sorta struggled in Biology. I sometimes either forgot to do some of my homework, or didn't study enough where I got C's on my tests. But it was out of laziness mostly. I knew all the stuff, I just didn't "physically" do my work. I still got through Biology though, with a B.

        And oh my god, lab partners and lab groups. OH, F*** ME. I'd be doing all the work in chemistry. And for English class? I didn't really learn much in English class in my freshman year. I watched a lot of movies (more than I will in my life) and I read the sorta high school freshman level books such "Romeo and Juliet" and "The Odyssey". We didn't really learn about grammar or that sorta stuff much, mostly due to the, eh, levels of intellect present in my class at that time, consisting of mostly C or below average students. My teacher was cool though. The rest was ehhh.

        I chose "Chemistry" over "Honors Chemistry" due to me being like "Ehhh" 'cause it had the word "Honors" in it and I'm like "I ain't honors". I also chose regular "English 2" over "English 2A" because of the amount of essays I would write and I'd just be like "Uuuuuuughhhh". But now I'm like "Well, I guess I'd wanna take Honors Chemistry, only 'cause my friends and people I'd like to know would be in it". Also, now that I think about it, writing essays in English 2A wouldn't be so bad, mostly 'cause, well, I write literally EVERYDAY. Of course, my writing here isn't really formal, I'm writing this as if I'm talking, but I do how to write properly if I wanted to.

        Anyways, I feel left out AND I feel like I'm not reaching my full potential, or as I'd like to call it, my final form. You see how this is informal? Also, all, and I mean ALL the cute girls, are going to be in all the advanced classes so that means, I gotta kick it up.

        Oh, and I was going through a lot of sub-reddits last night, ranging from /r/nosleep to /r/socialanxiety. And I was up all night on /r/socialskills. That was a lot of reading. Not as much as people who've read the Harry Potter books, because ooh ho ho, those are a lot of pages. I also came across techniques for better... face... photos. Is that what they're called? Anyways, there's this dude by the name of (oh what am I talking about, his name IS Peter Hurley) Peter Hurley and he's been photographing head... shots, for ten years.

        He made videos (of which I watched last night) on "squinching" and getting a better jawline. And in reality, they seem pretty stupid to do, but look good in pictures. And now I know what to do for my school-picture. And it looks like I do have some form, of social anxiety, 'cause I think about interacting with people and school and all them thinking about me and it's just, *shudders*, F***.

        I'm going to change my classes. That is all. I get sweaty when thinking about people. F***. I think I vented- f***, I just remembered I had a dream last night, about what my first day of sophomore year would be like. And if I were to talk about it, this post'll be too long. Also I could remember all my dreams as long as a portion of it is mentioned anyways. So as I was saying, I think I vented too much of what's on my mind. I'll spare you of my feelings for today. See you tomorrow.