Saturday, February 13, 2016 "Belongings."

Saturday, February 13, 2016
Week: 26
Songs to Remember: Sentimental - WINNER

        There have been multiple times, situations, where I feel like uh, I don't belong, or, I feel like there's a bit of a barrier between me and people. So to prevent stress, the best thing to do is to just not get involved right? Like, just not interact with them anymore or turn the notifications off on Facebook.

        It definitely does help lessen stress and focus more on relaxing. To get where I do with people, I put in some effort, some more than others. Now if I feel like I don't get like, some effort back, that they put in some effort to interact with me, then I lessen/ stop the interactions (it's not always the case that I do this, but I'm starting to do this more often than I'd like). If they make an effort to interact with me more due to the fact they I'm interacting with them less, then yeah, I'll do the same. But once it gets to a point where it's like "Whatever" on either of our parts, I just give myself some space, some time, and not have to waste my efforts.

        And if you're wondering why I started off with this bootleg philosophy shit on how I think, it's 'cause the cast, Ek, Jk, DrewN, and Am (Ag didn't go, but does for badminton stuff so it doesn't really matter) went to the mall today. They played in the arcade and whatnot. Probably after Badminton practice. Nothing to be moody about, I could've went if I wanted, or, if I wasn't so lazy (which most of the time is true for shit that I don't like doing. Practicing dances for KDT, doing DIY projects that I like, and etc, for those things I'd get off my ass and start on 'em).

        You know how I keep on describing how lunch is just "the usual" now? Well that's 'cause it is. Usually, Ek and Ag talk about badminton stuff, ranging from "Gotta work on my back-swings" to "Omg I almost died in conditioning at practice" to "Remember how blank was like blank" to "Can't believe blank talked shit about the team." That right there was, I'd say 70% of the shit that's talked about during lunch between the cast and I. Mostly just the cast, I tell some stories or make bootleg remarks, DrewN tells some stories or make bootleg remarks, Jk just goes along with the badminton talk.

        I've probably talked about how the cast has all done/are doing badminton, some are really passionate about it too. Me, not so much, heh. I've seen people and how they all have like a hobby or group, team, cult, that they're passionate about or enjoy being part of and interacting. Me? I'm trying to do that, trying to find something I like and sticking with it. I don't think I'm that great of a dance to be honest, did I say that I got cut from doing Twice's "Ooh-Ahh?" I don't think I did. But yeah, that discouraged me, umm, Mt once said in a post on KDT that she didn't make it through auditions for Lunar Show last year but didn't take it too hard and actually practiced even harder, and I thought of that after uh, being reminded that I got cut.

        And so the final things I wanna talk philosophically about, is that I'm still finding myself. What the fuck, do I like, heh, besides shit like video games. And, should I stick around people that bring me down? Even though they aren't aware of it or aren't doing it on purpose? It's a hard decision and usually it's permanent. If I just hang out with other people, let's say I meet up with Yn again or somebody, and just not have lunch with the cast. They'll be like "Hey, where's Drew." Then after a few days they;ll be like "Hmm, haven't seen Drew in a while, and he doesn't go on the group chat anymore."

        That's just one of the scenarios that's playing out in my mind. Finding new friends is an adventure Distancing yourself from old ones can be hard sometimes. Hey, what the fuck. I just realized it's the same feeling I felt when the cast went to Christmas in the Park when I was in LA. Huh. I turned off notifications for the group chat during that time 'cause I didn't wanna be reminded of all the fun they're having without me, and to reduce the stress of knowing that. It helped.

        But yeah, that's enough of this shit, heh. Just wanted to get that out there. And this may all sound like Jayden Smith shit, but hey, it's how I'm trying to describe my thinking process at this moment. Anyways, my buddy Ec went to LA today. probably staying there 'till tomorrow. My cousin hasn't called me in a while, but that's alright. I spent the whole day on 4 things: Maplestory, watching YouTube videos, checking social media, and practicing the "Tro Choi" by SUBOI, dance. It's coming together quite nicely if I do say so myself.

        That was basically it. It's 12:19 AM right now, I think I'll watch a movie tomorrow night. Gonna wanna decrease my sleep debt for now. So, see ya.