Wednesday, December 9, 2015 "Personal Problems."

Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Week: 17
Songs to Remember: The End of the World - Skeeter Davis

        So I'm currently at the dermatologist right now. I don't like to talk about private matters like this too often, or at all, because it's just uncomfortable to.

        My main problem right now is due to stress, which creates a domino effect to all my other problems. Going to a dermatologist is a waste of time and money because all they do is prescribe medicine that works, but is too expensive and our insurance doesn't cover it, so instead my mom gets the same fucking doxycycline pills every time along with clindamycin phosphate which makes a marginal difference even after using it all for the full duration. And therefore, I get stressed out from that, which leads to even more of my problems, all in one big domino effect. And the cycle repeats.

        So as I'm waiting for the doctor to finish up with his patient and come on over to fucking give an Asian parent talk about school, I'm letting out all my stress right now in this post. And it does work, better than anything a doctor can prescribe me. My mom thinks it's all about the oil, that it's what causes some of my problems, but what I want is to get rid of the ones that are already here. My mom also likes to talk about me behind my back, or just mention personal stuff out loud to the public. In fact, she's talking about how I do in school right now to the receptionist/nurse outside.  I used to care, care a lot, but now I've reminded myself that it doesn't matter.

        I see these people like what? Once every 4 months or so? They have so many other things to sorry about than that one kid, me. I worry so much about what they think of me and how my mom embarrasses me to them. I just need to remember that I shouldn't give a fuck. It doesn't matter. Who cares what they think of me. It's all about what I think of myself really. For example, El, who I now know is still not over it, because even 'till now, she is still trying to be able to not sit next to me, even if it means she doesn't get to sit next to Jk. And so far, I've been contributing to this. I should just not care, like, if she wants to be awkward about it, let her. Because who the fuck cares, right Drew?

        My mom's continuing to talk about my habits at home and my work etiquette to the person outside. I think by the time this is over, the receptionist will probably be able to memorize my whole life story, heh. Jesus, man. Ya know, sometimes I do feel like going beyond my boundaries, as in, just breaking for a bit like in those intrusive thoughts people get. I do get them a lot, but I know I'm too scared to actually act them out. One day when I do, if I do that is, that'll be the day where I finally overtime all the obstacles. But maybe today's not that day, heh.

        It's 2:45 PM right now. The doctor's still not here, still with his patient in the other room. There goes my Wednesday, there goes the one-hour-get-out-of-school-early time. To be honest I would've used it to just relax anyways. Well no, actually I wanted to start on the bootleg Chinese online skit script that our teacher assigned us and finish all of it, leaving that one required spot for El to post her bootleg house design picture. Our unit's on housing, by the way. Also I wouldn't have to worry about saving it up 'till the night before, where I'ma have to study and play Fallout 4 at the same time.

        And I forgot to mention that my buddy Ec, he still has his online portfolio for Chinese 2 so I can just essentially copy off his script he wrote with his partner, which he's fine with, I mean, it's free work that's already done. And yes, I have plagiarized, but not on major works or essays, those I do legitly. For small assignments like this, for when I'm not familiar with things, such as Chinese, a language that I did not learn when I was a child, or ever for that matter 'till last year in Chinese 1, umm, that's when I do things like this. It's just like what my Geometry teacher from freshman year thought it. Sorta. He posted the answers to homework online with all the work. You could copy it down, but when it comes to the test, all it matters is if you understand it and/or studied. Luckily for me, I understood it.

       So I'm home now. I left off this post at around 3:00 PM so. Yeah. Anyways, gonna do a quick review of today and off to some Fallout. Psychology, our teacher's back, and surprisingly we still have some notes to do. English was just discussion and how the teacher said that how we don't have to present our Scarlet Letter artworks if we feel uncomfortable doing so. I'm like "Seriously, I didn't get a choice when I went up." Today was Wednesday so it was straight off to Bio, where we started on our lab with peas and respiration.

        Math was just reviewing with 30 problems. Umm, lunch was actually the usual this time. US History was just watching clips about presidents, aaand taking notes on them. And finally Chinese, where it's just utter shit basically. Kinda messed up. Like, I studied and memorized the vocabulary, only for the teacher to include one word on there that wasn't in our flashcards or in the book. I was like "Are you fucking kidding me." Doing whatever it takes to fuck me over and not let me get a 100% for once I see.

        So yeah, lots of notifications, my English teacher is offering an optional assignment where we can try to go for 24 hours without any technology at all. Sounds pretty crazy, I might not be able to do it, heh. Alright, it's 11:48 PM, off for an hour of Fallout. See ya.