Saturday, April 26, 2014
Week 36
Songs to Remember: I've Got Your Number - Passion Pit, Black - G Dragon
I hit one of my lowest points today. I didn't expect for something like this to happen, but it happened. Sometimes I can't take much more.
It's been like one or two years since I've gone to the optometrist and gotten my eyes checked. I probably would never have even gotten appointments at optometrists if it weren't for that eye checkup in 6th grade.
Back in 6th grade, everyone had to do like an small eye exam or something like that. My class was to be in the auditorium and they had these people have us do some tests. They had us cover our eyes and stuff and read off letters on this board.
They placed the board so far back and I could barely see the letters. For that, they said I needed glasses and wrote me a form to bring to my parents for me to get glasses. They said my vision was like a 16/20 or something like that.
So like half-way into 6th grade, my parents went to the optometrist and Walmart, I did some eye exams there, and I got glasses. I never wore them much, only indoors at school really. It was because of this stupid thing where my dad had my glasses be made with this color-changing thing, where the glass turns darker in sunlight.
I liked the glasses (before I found out about the stupid modification) and I wore them all the time for like, 1 day. When I went to school, the first thing my friend said was "Why are you wearing sunglasses?" That's basically wear it started.
Due to me wearing them only indoors, I took them on and off a lot. In 7th grade, I was changing clothes for physical education and of course, I had to take my glasses off. I took them off, put em' at the foot of my locker, changed, and forgot about em'. This was back in October of 2011. I never told my parents that I had lost my glasses until they found out.
After a year or so, I had to go the optometrist again for another eye check-up. My parents told me to bring my glasses with me, but I didn't have em'. Therefore, my mom found out, she yelled, dad yelled, and I got some new glasses. I picked out this frame for my glasses that costed really cheap, due to me parents complaining about the price for my glasses.
And so in 8th grade I had these glasses which I have now. My friends told me I looked better without my glasses, but I still wore em'. I wore em' for the rest of my 8th grade year, including graduation (or "promotion" as the teachers called it).
Now in 9th grade, I don't wear em' at all, unless I need to see something on the board in class. My glasses have those nubs in the middle called nose pads and personally, they make my glasses look all that great. Even my new optometrist said so.
That brings us to what happened today. My mom said that I had an appointment at the optometrist today for me to get an eye-checkup. It was at 1:00 PM so I was already kinda pissed off as it was cutting into my weekend time. When we got there, forms were filled out and stuff and I was told to start looking at some frames for new glasses, which I was happy for. When one of the ladies there mentioned if I was interested in Ray Bans glasses, boy was I excited.
To me, people with Ray Bans look kind of hipster. I think I'm partially hipster as well, or a wannabe hipster, whichever fits. A few people I know at school wears Ray Bans brand glasses and I admit, they look pretty good on em'. Ray Bans glasses make anyone look better.
I was trying on the Ray Bans glasses and my mom told me that I looked silly. The lady said that these were the ones in style currently, and I agree. This is the generation I'm living in, the one with Ray Bans glasses without the lens, the swag, the twerking, the confused girls, the friend-zones, the Instagram, the Twitter, the Facebook, and the money.
While looking at frames, the doctor was like "Okay Drew, time to do some tests". They had me do the regular eye tests, with all the small machines first. Then came the one big machine where they find your prescription. I did the usual procedure and things were fine so far.
Then came the bad part. I had my eyes dilated for another eye exam so my eyes were pretty watery and sensitive. My dad went to the super-market nearby and I was looking at the Ray Bans again and my mom just started lecturing me about me not wearing glasses and stuff. Then my mom proceeded to f***ing talk to the lady about my glasses wearing habits, stories about me, and other shit. Why do you need to tell EVERYONE ABOUT ME?
She even made some parts worse and exaggerated everything to make it seem like I'm the worst son ever. Why would you talk about your son like this to strangers? And acting like I'm not even there to hear it? I chimed in to prove her wrong, but she still continued. Thank god the doctor came in as some tears started to leak out and asked me to come back in for the new exam.
The doctor asked if everything's okay, but no, it was not okay. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore so I just let it out. I began crying like a big baby. I explained to her about how my mom talks about me to other people like it's something to brag about. The doctor was giving me some tissues to wipe away my tears, mucus, and the rest of my sanity.
She was being really supportive and stuff and I just kept sobbing. I told her I just needed a minute. Realizing the situation happening, that this is all real and I'm actually crying in a public place in an optometrist's examination room made me cry even more. I couldn't believe it. She told me to take some deep breaths and stuff, but it was kinda hard due to my sobbing and breathing trouble. It was hard explaining to her why I cry and stuff because, well, I don't really know how to talk.
I felt uncomfortable and made this whole thing kinda awkward. Imagining being her, an optometrist with not so much business going on and just having a little boy crying about his mom talking about her son, with time wasting and customers outside.
She tried to bring my positive outlooks up by saying "You're smart, you're intelligent" and stuff like that. How would she know if I'm smart just by meeting me an hour ago? She didn't say anything about my looks, just what's inside. That kinda means something.
Thoughts were bouncing around in my head regarding the situation, school, counseling, depression, running away, my parents, and a lot of things. Now I'm guessing it's just puberty and that I am experiencing emotions for the first time. Emotions really suck ass.
The whole crying incident took about 5 minutes, though felt like an hour. We got on with the stupid testing and the conclusion was that I have astigmatism. I am nearsighted, which sucks, and therefore I have trouble seeing the board in my classes.
The doctor and I came out of the room and told my mom "Yeah, he's going to need glasses. I recommend contacts." At this point, contacts were not my thing. I have the fear of them getting stuck in my eye, and the fact that since they're so clear and small, I'll lose em' (I used that as an excuse not to get contacts). I chose the Nike brand glasses which look like a wannabe version of Ray Bans glasses and we left the place.
At home, my parents were still arguing about the prices and shit for my glasses. They also kept on arguing about the modifications for my glasses, which I don't see why my parents buy em'. Like the stupid "no glare" shit that they offer. They complain about the prices, yet they buy the stupid f***ing mods which I don't want.
The doctor suggested I pick a new frame, a new "stylish" one, hence to improve my image, or my self-image for that matter. I can't even wear the clothes I want to school for f***'s sake. My parents treat me like such a baby. I can't even wear the same looking pants for more than 2 school days, with my mom's excuse being "Kids will think you only have one pair of pants and will make fun of you". Yeah, cause' people at school really do notice, care, and keep count of what pants I'm wearing. They DON'T CARE.
Well now here I am, sitting in front of my computer at home, waiting about a week until I have to go pick up my new glasses. Oh, and uh, prom is happening right now as we speak. It's 10:07 PM right now and prom started about 3 hours ago, at 7:30 PM.
Prepare for the Facenovel news-feed spam with all the pictures of happy couples having fun and you're not. I don't get why they made prom last so long. My school's prom is from 7:30 PM to midnight. I don't think someone can dance for that long. Also, how about all that pre-marital sex that these teens would be (or are) having tonight?
Oh boy, I sure can't wait for the aftermath of tonight. I never really know what goes on, so maybe I'll get a glimpse of it after seeing all the pictures on Facenovel. I think I'll have myself a good cry tonight.
I'm a sensitive person in my opinion. I have a bad self-image and a minuscule self-esteem. I'm shy, timid, scared, and lost. Wanting, or should I say, needing, a better self-image of myself, I see everyone else and how they look. I always feel like something's wrong.
Every time I see a cute girl in my class or something, I try not develop a crush or anything like that. In the end, I can't help it and then there's a crush. That's what happened a month ago, and a few days ago. I was noticed how she was going to give me her phone number, but she forgot. I was hoping it was one thing I could make out of that situation, but nope.
The love ship never set sailed, I got off, so I just hope things will go well from there. Have you seen me cry? My tears are like diamonds. Down and down my tears fall, faster and faster.
That was Passion Pit by the way, one of the good bands out there. Well I hope this wasn't too much information for you, but it probably was. I hope the people at prom are having a wonderful time. It's like for one night, in those few hours, they don't have to worry about a thing, They could just do whatever they want. I wish I had time like that.
Anyways, this is probably my second longest post I've ever done. I'll see you tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Feel free to say whatever you want.