Monday, August 8, 2016 "Full of Problems."

Monday, August 8, 2016
Week: 52
Songs to Remember: Over You - Sophie Pae

        Well, this is unfortunate. This is just like last year, where I wanted to switch to a different class and well, I got the "it's full" statement.

        And I do blame myself, I, should've thought more carefully on my schedule. At first it did seem like a nice, sturdy schedule, you know, the last time I switched classes was like, around several days before school ended, and at point I should've realized I don't need to do more work than what's necessary.

        So I did call in, about 10 minutes ago. My counselor told me that the Korean class is full, and I just accepted that, "Oh well, how unfortunate" and that was that. I could've stopped right there, but, thinking about how many people "really" are in the class to make it full, not sure if that's truly the case. I'm thinking about the classes in this way (I've already sorta stated this in the last post)): if I don't feel passionate about a class, I'm probably not gonna do well in it.

        I already ended up with a D+ in AP Bio, that's already an indication that "Well, looks like the study of life ain't gonna be for me." And anatomy and AP Bio already share similarities (very similar) in terms of, material, so, if I didn't do exactly "well" in AP Bio, I'm probably not gonna do well in Anatomy, or at least, end up with a B+ without any actual "trying." And I seriously, do not want to stay up any later than I already do.

        Knowing that the grade I'll receive in Anatomy is pretty pointless, there's no real reason to try, and that'll be a lost cause. Now Korean class on the other hand, I'm positive that it'll be similar to Chinese, like in terms of, random, culture shit to learn, but unlike the bulk work in Chinese, I don't think there'll be that much work. I'm thinking like, lecture sorta stuff, or in-class projects like making, fucking, Korean paper shit, you know.

        And I've heard from sources that K-Pop will be integrated into it. I could just visualize it now, that when I'm walking to class, I could hear K-Pop music being blasted from the room (just like music being played in this one AP History class that I've passed by from 5th to 6th period) and I could just be like "Hey, I know this." It's something I like, something I love, it won't make a difference whether I get accepted to any colleges or not (which is nice, because then I don't need to focus on the academic part of it and just focus on ACTUAL learning).

        Intrinsic motivation, that's something I learned in AP Psych. I'm not doing it for the grade, or the easy freelo (about 90% it will be. If not, hey, I'm motivated enough to get an A in the class), but because I legitimately want to learn. And that's not something I say all the time, in fact, rarely have I ever said "I want to learn." These are the very few time(s) I do.

        Now that I've got that over with, time for what's going on. Tomorrow is registration day and that'll be comprised of me waiting in line, umm, holding papers, waiting in line to get my ID picture taken, and then finally get out and talk to my counselor directly (it's more personal, and I can explain to her how I won't be motivated to learn in Anatomy and that I really do want to change to Korean class, aka, beg my fucking heart out, heh). Only then, will my worries be relinquished. That, and this math packet in which I'm kinda procrastinating, by writing this post, heh.

        Also which is why I'm writing this in the afternoon, of uh, just about 3:00 PM. I think my perfectionist qualities are showing a bit these past few days, which all consisted of me complaining about my schedule, a week before school starts. I just gotta have my perfect schedule or else that lingering feeling of worry, that feeling of "what could've been differently," won't go away, as demonstrated by all these posts, heh.

        So now that it's 11:21 PM, I'm tired, so, see ya.