Week: 28
Songs to Remember: Break Up Dinner - San E, Strange - MASC
It's been a long week, I can tell you that. I'm tired of, of the work (or lack thereof). I'm tired of the rain, of the wind, the cold. Tired of the games I find myself in.
Dance was nothing different, just me teaching what I know. Math, we worked, and worked. My nose was wrecked from 1st to 3rd period. Horrible, horrible allergies. Can pollen level even rise in rain? I'm suspecting it's just a sickness, rather than just allergies. Digital Art was art and work, English was re-watching "Excalibur" for the upcoming test on the movie.
Lunch was a very rainy lunch. Me, Jk, and Lw took refuge in our Chinese teacher's room. After that was Econ, which, wasn't very much of anything but just coloring and bulk work. And finally, Chinese, we spent the time doing, nothing.
Now the part of the episode where the viewers actually care. KDT practice was short one, the practicing part that was. We went inside the theater and sat down at our spot (rows of seats). I was in the second row, Atr was in the first, Jd sat to the left of me. We all moved down to the seats closer to the stage. From there, Atr was sitting to the left of Jd, and Jd was sitting to the left of me.
Didn't matter much 'cause there wasn't much interaction there. On stage, we were too busy practicing and formation-forming that, we didn't really get to talk. And also for convenience, she was on the other side of the stage when standing in-between songs and transitions. I was like "Alright, maybe, maybe things are looking, looking out the window." Not really sure what that means but it sounds philosophical, heh.
Our stage time was over and it was time to go outside for practice. We were sheltered under the roof of the site of the Junior tables, to hide from the pouring rain. I tried to comment here and there, but the feeling, like let's say, a few weeks back, I don't feel it being there anymore. We finished practice at 4:50 PM. People left, I helped Atr with her friend carrying her instrument out through the rain. I walked back expecting her to not say a good-bye, but she did.
And yes, I did ask my usual convo questions too, which, were successful a few weeks back. Her responses, to them: "So, what're you gonna do tomorrow?" "...Home." Yeah, me too. Gonna spend my time at home for a while. Gonna need some time to myself.
I've been thinking about this, like, what I did wrong, what I could've done better, etc, all the while not over-thinking things. Just, thinking rationally. I thought about the phrase "I like him, but I don't see myself dating him." Absurd, yes, very, very contradictory at first, but as I thought more and more, thinking in other perspectives rather than my own, it does make some sense. In fact I, probably thought this way too at some point. "I like him," does not mean "like-like" in this case, and don't make me go in-depth on the word "like," again. "Like," in this case, means, he/she likes my personality. Hobbies, interests, what we do.
"But I don't see myself dating him." I'm guessing she's taking the word "dating" as the stereo-typical "dates," like, eating ice-cream at an ice-cream place, watching a movie together, etc, which is what i would define the term "dating" as well. But I think she's taking some looks into consideration of that word as well, and, that's fine. I did take that into consideration as well before, ya know. But I did step above that and considered personality over anything else. That, about me, is true. One problem I think, when it comes to people who have yet to reach fuller (fuller, I'm not saying fullest 'cause it's not) maturity, and puts too much trust into idols, idolization, it, kinda merges reality and media together, which, is not always a good thing.
What I'm saying is: expectations. A taller dude, a dude who's Korean. A dude who can, do at least 30% of what a K-Pop idol could do, and you're good to go. But the odds of that are, a bit too slim in our area, let alone, our state. What I'm really, really saying, in English, is, she's waiting for somebody better, and I can understand that coming from her perspective. She'd likes me as a friend, not, liking me enough to date me as a boyfriend.
I don't like saying shit like that up-front. It sounds way too much like diary, and, a bit too general. I do like to make a lot of comparisons to show the extremities of my feelings, rather than just plainly saying stuff. Hope you can understand from my standpoint. Anyways, I think it's time to put this arch to rest. I know, it was growing, growing fast. It, it fooled a lot of us into thinking the plot was gonna extensively change, and it did. But, not as many of you'd thought, including me.
And I can see why El un-friended from back then. I actually, to be honest, I went to Atr's profile and unfollowed her 'cause I didn't wanna be reminded of her for a while. I didn't view any of her snaps, for, a day and a half. Just, stuff to help me cope. The most ironic thing in this all, is that just today, we got the red heart emoji icon on our Snapchat for each other, which, apparently means that you've been best friends with this person on Snapchat for 2 weeks straight.
I'll still talk to her, I'll treat her no different from before (except maybe, less pictures, or no pictures at all). If she talks to me, I'll respond, but I don't think I'll put in the effort to go out of my way to talk to her. Is this the most tragic ending to an arch so far? In my opinion, after all the specials, the build-up (which was a lot within a few weeks)... yeah. Just gotta soak it up, take what you can, and leave.
You know what they say. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. Except in this case, I wasn't the one in control so I couldn't really choose to set stuff free even if I wanted to, heh. Anyways, it's 12:49 AM, I'm hungry, and tired, and sleepy. I think it's time for a nap. See ya.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Feel free to say whatever you want.