Sunday, May 14, 2017 "What is the Plan."

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Week: 40

Songs to Remember: Movie - BTOB

        Welcome back to another episode of "lasting memories" featuring your host, Drew. I think for today the "memories" part should be replaced with "work," because I really am making my work last with how long I'm pushing things off for.

        But, I did manage to get a few things done. I got to finish a card for my mom for mother's day, as well as making a couple mixes for my upcoming music video edits I'll be shooting, with the help of Jk, next week during the cast and I's graduation or "grad" photo shoot.

        I also planned a lot too. Like, my music video shoot next week, plus photoshoot. And uh, printing out and writing letters on photocards to pass out to people at school. You know, like uh, on Facebook, when people are like "Comment down below which one you want and if you want a letter with one," etc. So there's that, aaand uh, considering Fanime is essentially the last fun, extravagant thing before the KDT picnic on the last day of school, I kinda want it to be as fun as possible.

        So, I'm planning to rent me and few buddies who are hopefully going to be staying overnight if I do so, a room at a hotel or inn (right now it's inn because fuck $200 a night) so we can basically have it all be just, focused, on having fun. I really do wanna make it great, and, ya know what, it's essentially like grad night. You know, like how some schools have an ending field trip stay for the seniors at a theme park or whatever. Mine, mine doesn't, and so I'm making my own grad night, at a, cool-ass place, with some of the people I love.

        And if you're wondering about money, I'm willing to work this summer to make back the price. Plus I still have my Supreme stuff I need to sell, so that'll bring back some of what I had on my account. I think I've said before that, I don't care about money. I should though, but when it comes to stuff like this, money doesn't matter to me. My boy Tm wants to go to Fanime, would really like to go, but considering the cost of the pass, more than likely he's not. And so, I told him I'd get him a pass for free. He doesn't know that I'm actually paying for it, but, knowing that he's happy about it, and the fact that I'll be able to enjoy the weekdn with another one of my favorite buddies, whom I met not even that long ago, heh. I only talked to at the KASA show this year, and sharing mutual friends, and having similar sense of humor and interests, we connected to what we have now.

        That's basically what I got planned for Fanime right now. Me, Cc, and Tm sharing a room overnight for Fanime. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Jk and the others, they'll probably just drive to and from to the convention, but who knows. The more, the merrier right? Hooooooo boy, if this all works, and things get confirmed, shit's gonna be lit.

        Other plans include, plans as in, things I gotta confirm or do, are: writing out my speech for the KDT picnic, learn choreo for my music video shoot, learn the choreo for songs for the KDT picnic (for myself and for DUSK, the KDT sub-group consisting of me, Cc, Tm, Jb, and Jd). Can't forget about math, that stupid math project. Aaand start editting the tutorial video for how I make my mixes.Yeah that's, about it. Quite a bit I need to do, and considering tomorrow I gotta finish filming the Othello project with my group after school, plus editing the video for it all too (I really, really need a good grade on this, heh), with, with KDT practice Friday as well, yeah it's gonna be insane this week.

        But, you know what? If this all makes the ending of this series even more grand, then so be it. Can't, can't lay off my ass now, I can do that in about 3 weeks, heh. Anyways, it's 11:37 PM, see ya.

Saturday, May 13, 2017 "One Night Ultimate Cast."

Saturday, May 13, 2017
Week: 40

Songs to Remember: Movie - BTOB

        Now I could write all about friends or about how solo driving or just driving in general is a step towards independency and growing up, but then I would spend more time writing than I would actually, spending my time, with friends and growing up.

        Also because it's 1:50 AM and I'm tired, heh. It's weird to think about that, but anyways, I was out of the house at 9:00 AM, to pick up Rh and Tm for KDT practice, which lasted from 10 to 12 AM. Afterwards, I drove Rh and Ln to eat at this one burger place about, 15 minutes away, which wasn't actually that great as people make it out to be. Their menu selection was rather small, and, well, common.

        It was my first time there though, so, yeah. Also, first time on the freeway today. Not as scary as you'd expect. I'd say it's more calm than regular roads since there's so much, "road-freedom," I'd say. As in, you got so much room to maneuver around, compared to, compressed streets. Umm, so, I drove both of them home afterwards, I drove home to wait until 3:00 PM where I drove to one of my English group member's house to film some more of our English project.

        We got a good chunk done, but we're still not finished. That lasted from 3:00 PM to 6:30 PM. I, now this is one for the stupid books, I will have to admit, but, I started up my car, or, at least I thought I did, and, the wheel was so hard to turn, the car was drifting forwards, I could not reverse, I was like "What the fuck, are you kidding me." There were icons on the dash, I thought shit was broken, I quickly looked up what they meant to no avail. I was like "Fuck, what the fuck did I do, why does this have to happen now."

        I was about to hit the parked car in front of me, I was like inches away, heh. Fortunately, with my quick thinking, I was like "Wait, did I even start the engine." Turned the key, and yep, engine started. My car was drifting and the steering wheel was hard to move, only because I only turned the car on, but not the engine. For fuck's sake, I got myself scared for such a stupid-ass thing. And yes, feel free to laugh, because I was just, awestruck with my stupidity.

        It's been a long day, okay. Drove to Safeway to pick myself up some snacks, drove back home by 7:20 PM, the cast was looking to hang out, mostly at somebody's house, and, I offered mine. They came on over after 8:00 PM, it was, basically the whole cast: Jk, Ek, Lw, Jh, and Ag. DrewN couldn't make it 'cause he had a project to do as well as being sick, so. We'll figure something out next week. For now though, or, a couple hours ago, the cast and I played "One Night Ultimate Werewolf," which is literally just "mafia" or "town of salem" but with more roles/ modified roles/modified strategy.

        At around 10:00 PM, (or rather, right before closing time), the cast and I got Burger King, near my house, and we continued to play ONUW until about 12:00 AM when people had to leave. I gotta be honest, I was getting kinda bored, I was mostly just thinking. But, I got to spend time with the cast, and, knowing that, I won't be able to anymore, or at least, often, it made it even more, sentimental.

        But yeah, a lot of progression today. Just, in developing me in general. And godamn am I tired. Like I said, I could go into even more depth about this whole day, but I am tired, and God knows what's gonna happen tomorrow or the week after. Anyways, see ya.

Friday, May 12, 2017 "Soon to Miss."

Friday, May 12, 2017
Week: 40
Songs to Remember: Press Your Number - Taemin

        Current state: my room's a mess, I got into no songs for Fanime evaluations besides my own that I taught (BTS' Not Today), I went with Jh and Ag for a milk tea "run" about an hour ago, it's 11:53 PM, I'm discussing some intel with Ag, tomorrow I'm picking up Rh and Tm in the morning to go to KDT practice tomorrow, aaand, most likely me and a few others, I'll be driving around to go eat afterwards.

        And, on top of all that, I got some English project filming to do at around 3:00 PM, and, some Chinese editing that I gotta do, due tomorrow night at 11:00 PM. Now, today was, your above average day. After doing, getting our costumes checked for Dance, for our dance rectial next next week, and, doing nothing in 2nd period, work in 3rd, work/nothing in 4th, nothing in 5th, and essentially nothing in 6th, there was finally KDT practice, with, the last evaluations, ever for me, heh.

        There were only 7 spots for each song, which in total were like, 5, so, it was tough. Umm, yeah, fortunately I was able to make it into one, even though I was, automatically in for it, but, ya know, it's alright, and I, I had my run. It was good, I got to, I got to be in front for some songs so, gotta give it to the others yeah. This, this was the last KDT evaluations I'd be partaking in, so, that made me realize that, even with the mental battles I've had over the course of this semester, or any other times, I think I'll have one of my biggest obstacles coming to me soon.

        And that's overcoming, getting over, moving on, from being with my KDT family. Yeah it's, I've only been with them for 2 years, but, it, it changed my life. I would not be where I am at right now, had it not been for KDT. I'll get more into this in my last few posts, and my speech for the KDT picnic.

        But yeah, just wanted to address that for now. It's gonna be, it's gonna hit me hard, and I most likely will cry during the last day, when we're having our KDT picnic. Fuck man, just, thinking about it all, it's gonna hit me hard. All of it. Luckily, I still got a couple weeks left to wrap things up, finish, finish what I wanna finish, meet deadlines, tie loose ends, all of it. Because after all this, I'ma to, I'ma have to close the chapter and, not really return to it ever again. So just, make do, do, whatever, because I can, heh. Anyways, it's late, see ya.

Thursday, May 11, 2017 "Compiled."

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Week: 40

Songs to Remember: 365 Fresh - Triple H, Strange - MASC, Sad Song - SECHSKIES, Press Your Number - Taemin

        Well, this week's been pretty tiring so far. Not tiring as in like "God, there is so much work," but tiring as in "Man I'm, I'm kinda just done with all this shit."

        I'm sick, of, doing these repeated tasks over and over again, and I do blame most of it on senioritis. I am putting the least, the, minimal effort possible, for me to get by and get through these last few weeks. I've been advised to sulk it all in by my English teacher (he didn't tell me it directly, but rather the class as a whole), sulk it all in before it ends, but I don't know man, I'm not sure if I'll miss, if I'll miss sitting in math doing nothing, or in SSR in Econ and doing nothing, or, doing bulk-work/ paying attention in Chinese/acting like I'm paying attention in Chinese, heh.

        Or, sitting at my desk and doing work or not doing work in Digital Art, the list goes on. Of course I'll most likely miss the, miss interacting with the people in my Dance class the most, they're people whom I actually connect to, out of, all the rest of my classes, heh. But yeah, I'm just done with it all. I've realized that it's been 4 straight years of this, 4 straight years of roaming pretty much the same routes every year, seeing pretty much the same people through-out the years, most of the years.

        The state of my classes right now are, and will continue to be like this for the most part, discounting Dance: for Dance, we're just learning a new dance, practicing our dances/wrapping things up, essentially just, practicing. Next next week, we'll be having our dance recital which will be on a Monday or Tuesday after school or something. Umm, so those will be fun days. Math, currently, we're doing nothing in class. Literally. Time goes by real slow when you're not doing anything. We got assigned one last project, which is like an art project, so, just gotta get it finished and, I'm done, heh. No more calculus, for now.

        Digital Art, it's essentially been the same for the entire year. Just either me doing nothing, or working on Chinese work, or, actually doing work for the class, which, can be done real quick if I so wish to. English, we're just working on worksheets for this book called "Things Fall Apart," aaand, reading it in class. Essentially, slow-paced work. I am, however, on the verge of failing English, with a C- (apparently) but uh, hopefully with the submission of my group's skit video, once we're finished with it, it will hopefully boost me up to a more comfortable level. Then, I just gotta read the book, and, we're gucci. Econ, essentially either sitting there and taking notes, or, listening to some stories, or, watching a video/movie. In SSR, very relaxing, even with the crazy shenanigans that people in my class commit, heh.

        And Chinese, it's, literally been the same as it has ever been for the past 3 years of it. Not a thing has changed, not a thing. That's pretty much it for, how it's all going, academic-wise. Very mellow for the most part.

        Now let's talk about the weather. Amazing, amazing weather. Not too cold, not too hot. It's perfect, right now. Perfect except for the fact that these allergies are penetrating my allergy medication defenses, and uh, yeah, not pretty when shit's going haywire. That's it for the weather, now let's move on to night-walks (I do have a list of some topics to cover to make up for the lack of content these past few days). Night-walks, the reason I am so intrigued by them is that, although they are just normal walks, seeing the world in a different light (literally), basically, let's me see it in a different light. The library I pass by, it looks, different at night. The artificial lights make things pop out more. The silence of not really any cars passing by, or, whatever. It's just different, it's not your usual walk in the day, and so, gives a new perspective of the world than the normal one.

         There's also the sense of freedom and independence when I do 'em. Only because, I'm not really allowed to go out of the house at night, err, by myself at least. Or, without 'em knowing, aaand, by doing so, I'm, I'm basically being myself, I get to be myself, like "I wanna take a walk at night," and so I do say, and feel in control.

        And now I wanna get into a little bit more of touchy topic, one that, we've kinda, I've kinda, talked about a lot before. Ya'll already know what, but I ain't going into specifics of it. I'm talking, about the generality of it all, in one big picture. And that's, the act of moving on. "But Drew, haven't you been on the trek of moving on for weeks now?" I have, and do I find myself dwelling sometimes? Not gonna lie, I do. When I'm, when I'm doing nothing in class, I think, and, there are some thoughts, some dreams, fantasies, that play out in my mind that, well, things would go my way. However, things are not, heh, will most likely not, umm, the thought of the chance though, the 0.0001% plausibility, is still there.

        I took upon myself to read up on other people's problems, problems, similar to mine, and I end up finding some that are, essentially identical to my past situation, even down to the age. If, you ever end up in situation like I was in, here is a couple of testimonials of identical situations that others have been in. Umm, I do not know 'em, it's, all from Reddit to be completely honest.

        One post was titled "Is it bad to tell a girl you're sad/depressed about her not being with you?" and the all the replies were essentially the same: YES. Some of the replies that caught my attention were:

"Yes it's pretty bad. It sounds desperate and needy and it would just seem like you are trying to guilt her and make her pity you. People should want to be with you because they like you and it makes them happy, not because 'it's what you want and you're sad you didn't get your way.'" and

"Move on...just, do yourself a favor and move on. If she hasn't, you'll know." as well as

"Generally, yes. Like 98% of the time, yes. What good is going to come of that? She's not going to pity date you after, and you're only going to make her feel worse, so yes. It is bad." and finally this

"Need more context. Probably a bad idea, especially if you're trying to guilt somebody into being with you. But, if the desire to say it - not because you expect any outcome, but just bottling it up inside - is driving you crazy, might not be a bad idea depending on circumstances."

        All of them made sense, and yes, it did make me feel rather bad about myself for being, well, selfish. I really was, trying to get my way, through guilt-tripping and, all of the above. Did I know what I was doing was bad? I can't even recall. I was, blinded by depression, and, uh, well, desperation. I did stuff that little me would not approve of, considering the morals I've built up since those times. And so, I do wanna apologize to that, but it, most likely won't do any good since, the damage has been done. However, for the other party, things are going well, and that's, that's actually good. I've always stood behind my moral of, okay maybe moral ain't the right word for this but, I've always wanted to make others happy, even at the cost of my own happiness. And this time, or rather, in this current time-frame, it's happening, others are happy, and, this time I don't really have to do anything, so, I guess it's a win-win for all parties involved.

        One other Reddit post that intrigued me was one titled "2 Should I Go Back To China To Get Back The Girl Of My Dreams?" and the one comment that caught my attention was

"For real I say go for it. Not in the 'Oh this will totally work' or the 'this is a good idea' kind of way, though. More in the no matter what it will really build character, give you a great story, and hurt enough for you to adapt it into a Seth Rogen Rom-Com. But in seriousness go, you regret not knowing shit like this. Good or Bad knowing is better."

        Now that one, that one justifies me taking all the risks I can. Just, going all out sometimes. Because in the end, I, basically decide whether it's a bad ending or not. If shit doesn't go my way, hey, I still gain something from it, and uh, gives me something to tell in the future, and, heh, "hurt [me] enough for [me] to adapt it into a [series.]"

        Anyways, got some plans with the cast for graduation pictures next week, as well as a game night or an "Escape the Room," game next week or so, and, filming for English tomorrow and Saturday, plus Chinese work due there too. And tomorrow, it's gonna be evaluations for KDT's Fanime performer line-ups. And yes, I still got some practicing to do. It's 12:56 AM. See ya.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017 "Miss."

Wednesday, May 10, 2017
Week: 40
Songs to Remember: 365 Fresh - Triple H

        I apologise for missing yesterday (in this case, this post). Nothing much done though.

        In math, we did nothing, for once. And I literally mean nothing, it was, the agenda written on the board was "nap." The rest of the classes, was pretty much the same old, same old.

        This'll be the last time I miss a post, the rest of the episodes will come as they usually do. See ya.