Tuesday, March 17, 2015 "CAHSEE Part Uno: Huge Time."

Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Week: 31
Songs to Remember: Inner Smile - Texas

        I saw these bootleg jokes on Reddit today that got a chuckle outta me. The first one was "What did the Buddhist ask the hotdog vendor? He said 'Make me one with everything'". Then the joke progressed to the hotdog vendor pocketing the Buddhist's $50 bill and not giving him change. So the Buddhist pulls out a gun, hehe, and the next joke was: "The vendor replies, 'No need to get violent. Do you want the fifty back or something valuable I recently found?' The Buddhist replies, 'What did you find?' The vendor holds up a small peppermint chocolate with a hole in the middle, holds it up to the sun until a small light shines through the hole, and says 'A light in mint'." Get it? A light in mint? Enlightenment? F***ing most bootleg joke of the century.

        Anyways, I figured that with all the free time after I had finished the test, they allowed us to do homework or other quiet s*** like that, so I was like "Woah s***, I should'a brought my textbook". So I was going my usual route from the back of the school. It was very empty. Thank goodness it wasn't that cold. I thought I'd just hang around or whatever, but I looked at the time and saw one of my buddies (who has the same last name as me), was outside the room we were supposed to report to so I was like "Aight". The teacher had us sit in a certain order, spaced out around the classroom so no peaking and s***. She passed out the test booklets with the scantron sheet thing and we had to listen to the instructor on the loud speaker for the instructions.

        Man were they not f***ing specific. They didn't read the s*** exactly as it was written, so some people for lost on whwre to write their name and s***. For example, they said "In the bottom right hand corner, there's a place labeled "Student ID. Please bubble in your ID number there". Abd on our tests, it read "Local Student ID". Like, I don't wanna fill in random s*** and get it all messed up and 'cause problems. Only until I couldn't find another "Student ID" box did I fill it in. I mean, is it that hard to call out section numbers and labels exactly as they are written?  And damn did it take forever to fill in all that s***. We had to make some sorta origami in the shape of a pyramid with hieroglyphics inscribed into it or some s*** (not really, but you get what I mean).

        So there was our 30 minutes right there. The first part had only 21 questions, and that got me kinda worried 'cause I'm like "Woah s***, there's less questions than I thought". And, it included an essay, so I'm like "Awww f***". Not 'cause it was gonna be hard or anything, it was just 'cause I wasn't in the mood to write. So after 30 minutes of bootleg instructions, we were finally able to start. The teacher also handed us these bootleg "motivation" cards made by the leadership program students. Mine said "Wiggle all your stress away" or something like that. Didn't really give me motivation though. The card included a Hershey's Kiss and I foolishly put it in my pocket. Don't out chocolate in your pockets, people.

        So part one. Of the English portion of the test. Lots of reading. As in, read the passage and answer some s****y questions. One questions talked about this girl sitting up straighter on a bench in a dream where she's being taught by this Native American teacher. It asked "Why did she sit straighter than before?" One of the choices was "Because she was uncomfortable". Now at first I read it wrong and thought it said " comfortable" instead of "uncomfortable". I would've actually picked that one because I thought it meant she was like, comfortable being herself or some deep s*** like that. Good thing I read it correctly after a closer examination and put that because of her understanding of her own personality or some s*** like that. But really, if it were real, I think it would be because she was uncomfortable in that position. I mean, remember the blue curtains example? Why were they blue? BECAUSE THEY WERE F***ING BLUE.

        And the essay prompt. It was like "You and your friends won a contest. You and your friends get to go anywhere in the world. Write an essay convincing the judges why you should go there, use details, blah blah, blue f***ing curtains". Yeah, definitely some 8th grade s*** right there. It really said "anywhere in the world". My English teacher during the 2nd ass today after the test, she was like "I would've been a smart-ass and put 'The Moon', hehe". I'm like "Awww s*** man, why didn't I think of that? Damn, now I'm bummed out fam" Disregard that "fam" part. But yeah, I was thinking of places and decided Vietnam, and I was gonna do a sob story about how my parents lived a harsh life there while I lived in a much better lifestyle here in America, so I wanna experience the atmosphere of where they lived for once". Gotta hit em' hard, it is persuasive after all. I was also thinking of complimenting the judges, but I'm like "Nahhh, I'll just leave that out".

        Break, 15 minutes, pretty s*** considering it's 4 hours testing time. Next part was just 57 multiple choice questions, with a small survey at the end. I'm like "Oh baby, this is TOO easy". I've been doing a lot of surveys lately on that survey points site so anytime I hear surveys, I'm like "Bring it", hehe. This section wasn't hard really, just tedious. The survey had bootleg questions line "How did you prepare for the CAHSEE?" I circled "I didn't prepare". I was debating whether to do it honestly or not. I was like "Ehhhh, f*** it, why not". On one question, it asked what I would do if I didn't pass the CAHSEE after even senior year. I circled "I don't know what I'd do". Honestly, if I didn't pass it by THAT time, I really wouldn't know what to do. Hell, how would I've passed the SAT even if I couldn't pass the CAHSEE? So really, there's just- I wouldn't even know where to start.

        So after that part, it was lunch time, then periods 1, 2, and then 3. Tomorrow (I almost said next day) it'll be the same schedukez except that it'll be periods 4, 5, and 6 instead. World History, we just watched part of a documentary about the Berlin Wall. It Aires on the History channel, called "Mega-sctructures" or some name like that. Apparently the defense on that wall was more than I thought, I thought it was just a really tall concrete wall, with occasional snipers. No, they, they had attack dogs, barbed wire, steel beams, jet fuel (just kidding), sand, tripwires, and watch guards walking around. I'm like "Uhhh, that's kinda more than a wall, more like a barrier".

        Anyways, English, we just discussed some s*** about "Bend it like Beckham". Chemistry, we just went over the lab work, aaand yeah. Tomorrow is gonna be the math portion, it's only gonna go up to the 8th grade level, so I expect to fly through the whole thing, time to spare, and finish my work which I did not get to do today. And with that, I'm able to write all this without feeling too tired. And I gotta read some more bootleg stories for English on Thursday. Also apparently all the teachers are giving out tests on Thursday, the day after us sophomores just had a test, 2 days in a row. God damn tests. And don't make me go into that example again of what happens during teacher meetings near the water machine. Anyways, see you tomorrow. Oh and did you know (I didn't even know until this week), that there is only 48 days of school left? My chemistry teacher keeps track on the board, but I never played attention to it. Wow, now that's kinda surprising. So, see you tomorrow.